


It's Seriously Just a Bromance, Right?

by neosaiyanangel



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Cheating, Community: Kim Possible Slash Haven, Cousin Incest, Definitely Not a Bromance, Doing Terrible Things to a Kid's Show, Drinking & Talking, Drunkenness, Excessive Drinking, F/M, M/M, Multi, Post-Series, Romance, Wedding Fluff, what have we done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:32:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neosaiyanangel/pseuds/neosaiyanangel
Summary: It all started with Drew's bachelor party... So what if it was just the Mane Man and his cousin, he'd make sure his cousin's party was seriously awesome! Of course, drinking and Drew totally don't mix, but even then, what happened afterwards was seriously a surprise... Right? Written together with kgs-wy from fanfiction.net.





	1. Chapter 1

“Okay, Cuz, it’s time to get our party on!”

Eddie pulled a reluctant Drew along into the strip joint that he liked to frequent whenever he was in the Tri-City area visiting family. It was the blue mad scientist’s bachelor party, after all! Just because he couldn’t get hookers or anything for his younger cousin, or get him to touch any ladies, didn’t mean that they couldn’t still admire the scenery.

Pushing the blue man across the room, past the currently empty stage, and around the crowded tables, Eddie eventually managed to get his younger cousin to the bar at the side of the large open room. Ignoring the other patrons, the mulleted man proclaimed, “Seriously, grab some booze and let loose! After this we can totally go and, like, make prank calls or rob some places or something.”

“Nnngh… Can’t we go and do that stuff now?” Drew looked around with a totally huge amount of discomfort before looking back at his cousin. “This is… Well, I don’t really want to be here. And how can we have a party when we’re the only people that showed up?!”

“Dude! Seriously! You can’t have a bachelor party without at least a couple of naked chicks and some liquor. It’s, like, against the law or something.” Eddie waved a hand at the air. “Just ‘cause everyone that we invited was lame and didn’t show doesn’t mean that we can’t have a _seriously_ rocking party.”

“What law? The law of public decency?” the smaller man sneered. “Besides, Shego said that you weren’t supposed to get me drunk.”

“ _Blind_ drunk, Drew. You can have some brewskis, but you gotta know the details later,” his older cousin corrected. "Man, you’re really bad with law stuff. What we’re gonna do after the booze and babes will be what breaks those laws,” Eddie said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Anyway, it’s against the bro code, dude. We seriously can’t have an official bachelor party without this stuff.” At Drew’s flat glare, the blond man shrugged as he sat down. “You can totally glare at me all you want, Cuz, but I’m not gonna go out and do anything else until we get nice and buzzed.”

The blue man held his glare for a few more seconds before flopping down in a huff on the stool next to Eddie. Growling, Drew grabbed a particularly well worn drink menu and began to look it over. Eddie grabbed one as well, if just to make sure his preferred drinks were still offered. Some bozo could’ve gotten them banned or something.

Once he was assured they still carried his preferences, the moustachioed man waved down the pot-bellied bartender. “Yo, dude, Mikey! I’m, like, totally ready to put in my order. Seriously!” He gave his order, a straight scotch, and elbowed the smaller man. “You got your drink picked out, Drew?”

A snort and glare was his only reply, though Drew couldn’t quite hide his confusion. The bartender, seeing that Drew was going to take some time to decide, walked away and poured Eddie’s drink.

Once the bartender dropped off his drink, Eddie asked, “What’s up, Cuz? You havin’ a problem with picking something?”

The other man stiffened, then snarled, “Of _course_ I’m having trouble! You know I don’t drink this sort of stuff. If you can find something that I would drink, then feel free to order it. I doubt that you know anything beyond your hard drinks, though.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. Of course Drew wouldn’t know anything about alcohol. The guy probably hadn’t had a sip of any since his 21st birthday. The mechanic stifled a chuckle as he remembered the festivities of _that_ night. None of them had ever looked at potatoes the same way again, _especially_ Drew.

The menu of drinks had a lot of Eddie’s preferred stuff. Whiskey and scotch. Winning combinations! Not really something that little Drewbie would want, though. He needed something more wussy, more girly than anything Eddie touched.

The real problem came when Eddie flipped the list to the girly part... And didn’t recognize anything on it. All of them had totally weird names. There was no way Drew would touch something with such seriously sexy or mundane names. _Sex on the Beach? Red Headed Slut? Harvey Wallbanger? And down at the bottom, Long Island... Something?_ Seriously _?_

“Well?” Drew was grimacing at him, but Eddie could recognize the hint of victory in his expression. His cousin seriously expected him to tap out and totally give up on finding something he would drink. Seriously bogus!

Then one of the names he’d had his mental freak out about struck him, and he chuckled. Figuring it’d be girly enough — or at least _plain_ enough — for Drew to drink, Eddie pointed at the Long Island drink thing before he simply resumed drinking his scotch. A minute later, the drink was placed in front of Drew. The younger cousin eyed Eddie suspiciously before he picked the drink up and took a small sip.

The expression on Drew’s face nearly made Eddie choke on his own drink. The blue man looked like he was going to puke, what with the flinching and gagging, before his eyes flew wide. He took a larger, more considering sip, then grimaced, before shrugging. “It tastes like lemonade. _Weird_ and sweeter than the stuff your mom used to make, but lemonade.”

The mechanical genius began to laugh at the over-the-top reaction to what was probably a pathetically light drink, ending the short laughing session with a smug smirk. He should’ve known his lame cousin still couldn’t handle any kind of alcohol, but at least Mikey could mix a drink Drew could handle.

Drew recovered from his epic failure and gave Eddie the evil eye. The motorhead was completely unperturbed, his smirk even growing at his cousin’s attempt to look tough. Drew must’ve realized that he just looked pathetic as he snorted and turned back to his drink. He took another experimental sip, clearly fighting another gagging session. Then he forced himself to take another, this time glaring at Eddie.

At least, with that drink, it looked like Drew was gonna tough it out. Whatever. Even if Drew did eventually chicken out of it, at least the motorman was getting some liquor.

**ELELELELEL**

An hour later, Eddie was seriously wishing that he hadn’t shown up for the bachelor party as well.

“An’ she doesn’t like my kisses. I dun, I dun unner _stand_.” Drew sloshed his drink around, apparently trying to mix it up when it was likely mostly just tea with a dash of beer or something. “Sh’go likes I’ when we do the cuddly stuffs. In bed an’ naked an’ stuff. Bu’ she jus’ laughs when I try ta give her the Frenchy mouth things.”

“Cuz, seriously, I don’t think that Green Babe would like it if she knew you were totally blabbering this stuff to other people,” Eddie said as he finished off his seventh drink, a full glass of whiskey. After the first, he'd upped it to doubles, straight. Not enough to really mess him up like he liked, but enough to give him a distinct buzz. At least, in his opinion. “‘sides, she probably just isn’t much of a kissing kinda gal. Seems to seriously dig the hugs and crap more.”

“You dun… You dun _knew_ that!” Drew slurred at his cousin. “Mebbe… Mebbe i’s jus’ Shego. Mebbe she dun like my lips.” The blue man tilted his head, then tilted the opposite way as he apparently miscalculated how far the movement would take his head. “Whadduya think, Ed?”

The gape-mouthed stare and unfocused eyes rang alarm bells in Eddie’s head. He very quickly realized that they had totally managed to go over the tipping point for black-out drunk with Drew a few drinks ago, an impressive feat as Drew had only had four of those Long Island things. His blue cousin had the stamina of a chick sometimes!

“Sorry Cuz, but I seriously hafta cut you off now. Green Babe is totally gonna kill me if you, like, end up in the blank zone memory-wise,” the muscled mechanic said, reaching for the girly drink that Drew was still nursing.

“Nuh-uh!” Drakken awkwardly warded off Eddie’s hands with a swaying vine and one of his feet. “Dis is _may_ drink. Get yur own!”

“Seriously Drew! Give me that thing.” Eddie leaned over the younger man, trying to grab the drink from the obviously intoxicated blue man.

“I’s mine! I’s makin’ me feel good ‘bout my lips. Tingly.” Drew swatted Eddie’s reaching arm away with his free hand while scooting backwards in his seat.

“Dude! C’mon bro, don’t make me hafta pin ya down or somethin’. Seriously!” He leaned farther over his younger cousin, trying to use his greater reach to his advantage.

“Nuuuuuh, is mi— AGHK!”

Drew fell over backwards as the stool finally went off-balance from the two men’s flailings. Eddie windmilled his arms, trying to regain his balance. He managed to halt his fall for a few seconds, but only just as he quickly found himself collapsing on top of his cousin thanks to the mad scientist’s flailing legs.

His younger cousin gave him a cockeyed glance as he dropped the now-empty cup on the wet floor and tried to push himself up with his other hand. “Lips.”

“Drew, Cuz, seriously!” Eddie pushed himself off of his younger cousin and pushed himself up on his arms. “That was totally not called for, dude! Why would you-..”

His words were silenced by a set of blue lips pressing against his own. A moment of absolute shock rushed through Eddie, his mind grinding to a halt as it tried to comprehend just what was happening. His _body_ , on the other hand, was seriously digging what it was feeling. So much so that he almost instantly began reciprocating, tilting his head and leaning forward before he had even processed everything.

Just as the blond man’s mind finally caught up, Drew brought the hand that wasn’t keeping him upright up to cradle Eddie’s face as he straightened out his rather sloppy kiss. While there was some drool still, it was an improvement on an already great experience. Trusting his instincts, the mulleted man let himself simply enjoy the kiss.

When was the last time a kiss got him completely caught up like this? Had he _ever_ gotten such an amazing kiss? With all of the hot chicks that he’d ever managed to get with, none of them had this sort of effect on him. Well... That one, Red, but her kisses weren’t as soft, they were more demanding, almost more like a fight than a kiss! Drew’s kiss felt more... Comfortable, more… _Right_!

Then his mind thought back to some things he’d read to try and figure chicks out. People getting all artsy with words when it came to kisses just seemed like weird exaggeration from where Eddie had been standing before. But this, _this_ had to be the sparky, flippy feeling that people waxed poetic about all the time. It was _seriously_ awesome!

To Eddie’s regret, Drew pulled away and flopped backwards. He fought down a disappointed whine and, instead, leaned over to see how his little cousin was doing. Drew’s eyes were still open, but the way they were spinning indicated that the flop backwards had seriously messed with his equilibrium.

“See Ed? I kin kiss jus’ fine.” Drew’s cheeks bulged and his hands shot to cover his mouth. After apparently fighting off a trip to Vomit City, the blue man mumbled, “I think ‘m done drinkin’. Dun feel so good.”

“Ed…” Eddie looked up at the bartender, who was now leaning over to look at the two. Relief flushed through the moustachioed man when he realized that not even Mikey had noticed what had just happened. Shaking his head, the large man said, “Sorry, but for the sake of my floor and tips I’ve got to ask your friend to leave. He looks like he’s going to lose it any second.” Thinking for a moment, the bartender said distractedly, “Can’t really tell by the skin. Don’t know if that’s some kind of racism. Can you be racist against a blue guy?”

“I dunno, man!” Eddie quickly moved to get up and pull Drew up with him. The sudden change in position made his younger cousin choke again, and again he managed to keep it down. Grimacing, the mechanically-minded man said, “I’m sorry too, bro. Gotta put it on my tab and get my bud here somewhere to sober up a bit.”

Mikey shrugged. “Whatever you need. I’ll just collect from you next time you come in.”

Eddie looked at the stage, the newfound realization that he didn’t actually enjoy watching the ladies strip and dance as much as most guys apparently did hitting him hard. There was some enjoyment, a bit of perverse pleasure, but compared to what just happened…

“Yeah. Next time I’m in,” Eddie agreed vacantly as he led his intoxicated cousin to the exit. His mind was already distracting him with all of the seriously major implications that the whole kissing thing implied. It all led to one very important fact.

He seriously needed to get hammered to think more clearly.

Seriously…

**ELELELELEL**

The door to the hotel room’s suite opened with quite a bit of noise, almost as if it had been pushed with no small amount of force. It was almost enough to make Shego jump. Almost.

She knew what that probably meant, though. Drew must have had a terrible time and lost his temper. He did really like to take his anger and frustration out on innocent and immobile objects. It would be easy — and fun — to redirect that energy into more… Recreational activities.

Shego got up from the suite’s couch and walked over to the door, intending to enact some damage control so Drew would at least remember that tomorrow was supposed to be their surprising yet long-awaited happily ever after.

As soon as she saw him, she realized that they would be lucky if he remembered _anything_ at all about tonight. It _also_ meant bye-bye to a hard and exciting quickie before bed.

Her teeth ground together for a few moments. With annoyance, she asked, “So, _Drew_ , did you have fun getting completely trashed on some pricey booze the night before _our wedding_?”

He looked at her, his eyelids hanging at different levels, and gave a small chuckle. “I’ wasn’t ash bad ash I though’ i’ wood be. No’ fun, bu’ okay. An’ washn’ prishey schtuff, was tea. Tea.” His lips smacked together experimentally. “...tea.”

“Tea? That’s all you had?” Her eyebrow shot up in disbelief at his overly energetic nod. “Yeah, okay, sure. Eddie got you tea to drink.” With some showmanship, she theatrically looked over Drew’s shoulder down the empty hallway. “So, where is Eddie?”

“‘e said tha’ ‘e had ta ‘re’valuate ‘is life chooses’ or somethin’.” Drew nodded again with less energy. “‘e wash actin’ funny an’ schtuff after drinkin’.”

“I’ll bet,” she said flatly. “Probably thinking about what to put in his will before the wedding.”

Her fiance looked at her, surprised. “Nuh, ‘e didn’ get me trashed! I jes' had two drunks, Sh’go.” Drew held up both hands, each holding up two fingers. “I jus' ‘ad some Lang Ishlan' dr’nks. Is tea, so is lil’ alco… Alco… Thing.”

Shego sighed and silently vowed to strangle Eddie with his own hair once she got her hands on him. After the wedding, of course. It was one thing for the motorhead to get trashed before it, but to drag Drew in on it? There was a reason she gave him a list of things not to do for the bachelor party.  

“Okay Dr D…” She gave him a slightly condescending pat on his shoulder and aimed him with a small push toward the suite’s bedroom. “Go and get some sleep. I think you’re gonna want as much as you can considering…”

He stumbled a few steps to the bedroom, but stopped at the doorway. Leaning against the door frame, Drew asked with no small amount of worry, “An... An... Are mah kishes tha' bad? I knew tha’ you dun like mine.” Shego blinked at that. It was true that she wasn’t a fan of kissing in general. For Drew to think that it was just _his_ kisses, though…? She opened her mouth to correct his assumption, yet was annoyingly cut off. “'Cause Ed didn' mind..."

Her mouth opened again, this time to voice her anger at him cutting her off, when what Drew said finally registered in her head. Thinking she had heard it wrong, she asked, “You mean he had you kiss some other lady and he judged?”

Drew’s exaggerated headshake just left her more confused. He elaborated, “Nuh! I di’n kiss other girls! Jus’ Ed.” There was a pause for thought before he added, “I thou’gh i’ was nice. S’was wha’ we did la’er, in the grassy stuff. Felt good.”

Now THAT surprised her on several levels. The image of Drew and his cousin making out also made her wonder on what kinds of sexual needs and wants the doc kept a tight lid on. Clearly there was more than just vanilla sex and slightly kinky roleplaying in there, to Shego’s honest relief. That brought on a swirl of thoughts and fantasies into her head that would likely make her brother, Hego, spontaneously burst into flame.

Those thoughts were cut off before Shego could get too far with them, or even ask Drew for more information. The blue man touched his head and swayed against the doorway. Her eyes softened a little as she realized that he _really_ needed to lay down and get some sleep. As did she, now that she thought about it. She had only stayed up to wait for her doc, after all.

Shego walked to the bedroom doorway and slung an arm around her fiance’s middle. “C’mon, Drew. Let’s catch some sleep and hope that your hangover isn’t too terrible. Because if it _is_ …” One of her hands lit up to accentuate her point.

“‘kay, le’s schleep.” He leaned against her and walked with her into the bedroom. “I ‘ope Ed’s okay too.”

A snort of annoyance nearly worked its way out of her, but she fought it down. With a mild amount of sarcasm as she kicked the door shut, she said, “Yeah, I hope his hangover isn’t so bad, too.”

**ELELELELEL**

“And STAY out!”

The door to the Rinky Dink Bar shut with a note of finality. The bar was huge, with an equally huge sign advertising it as, “The biggest biker bar this side of Sturgis!” A few feet away, illuminated by the almost sickly yellow neon of the sign, was the slightly crumpled and very drunk form of Motor Ed. He’d been unceremoniously tossed out by the seriously gnarly bouncer who decided that Eddie’s attempts to figure out if his weird feelings were seriously strange and deserving of him eating concrete.

It wasn’t all that strange. All Eddie had wanted to do was get a few other kisses to see if it was just Drewbie that did it or if he had a thing for dudes! And, if there was that kinda spark, see if the same thing applied to the craziness that he and Drew got up to after the strip bar. It’s not like he went and tried any of the _other_ stuff him and his cousin had done up on top of Mount Middleton or anything! He wasn’t even sure he _could_ do any of _that_ kinda stuff with another dude... With _or_ without vines!

He’d managed to lock lips with a few dudes before he was chucked out. Most of them seemed to totally dig it, especially the dude dressed up like that one British metal singer from the seventies. The last one, though, tried to take a swing at him. Eddie was just defending himself when he’d laid the guy out, then he was unfairly targeted and tossed.

“Yur jus’ jealous tha’ the Ed-man totally rocks!” he yelled at the door as he stumbled to his feet, hoping that the loser of a bouncer heard him. It was totally not fair that the mullet-man was forced to leave like that! It was discrimination against awesome people.

With a hiccup, Eddie turned and looked over the big parking lot, tryin’ to find his ride. Not that he’d drive, but he could call Jeff Bob, who had a truck he could haul the motorman’s bike in. He wasn’t able to walk in a straight line by this point, but he was well-practiced with drunk walking, and weaved between the one hundred plus bikes in the lot to his own hog. Worst case, if he couldn’t get anyone on his crew on the phone, and even with all of the alcohol he’d ingested, he knew the general direction of his motel.

A few minutes of fruitless searching later, Eddie determined that he was way, _way_ too wasted to figure out which bike was his. As he tripped and haltingly walked back to his wonderfully cruddy room, Eddie went over what he had learned in his fully intoxicated and free state.

He actually did seem prefer guys to girls, much to his confusion. He was the manliest man that he knew, yet kissing dudes gave him tons more excitement and feels than even the hottest, sexiest chick he’d ever known had.

Of course, now that Eddie had thought about it and phil-drunk-iphized about it, it seemed kinda obvious. He never really liked being around ladies, even the hottest ones. They very quickly wore out their welcome unless they went along on his ride. Green Babe only kept from boring him by being a seriously wicked chick with a penchant for destruction. More than him, really.

Comparing that general disinterest with his interest in guys… Yeah, he had his posse that he hung around with. They were his friends, his buddies. No romance with them. But the times that he was around Drew, and that awesome kiss an’ everything else earlier…? Eddie wasn’t sure if it was because Drew was a chick without being a chick or what that seemed to spark attraction in him. The guys he’d kissed in the bar did feel all kinds of better than ladies too, yet still didn’t feel as seriously wicked as the one he and Drew had.

Drew was probably the most romance-y feeling person that Eddie had ever felt for.

And he was getting married tomorrow to Green Babe.

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure how he felt, but his stomach didn’t feel so hot when he thought about that. That was probably just the booze…

There was a tickle in his head like he was forgetting something or someone. In his state, he wasn’t able to quite grasp whatever it was.

He just needed to rest. Yeah. The drunkenness made things clearer so he at least knew what was up. But just because Eddie apparently had a thing for his cousin didn’t mean that he had to pursue it or anything. Maybe once he slept a bit he would snap out of it and totally be okay during the wedding.

...maybe...


	2. Chapter 2

At the damnably early hour of 6am, Shego woke up to the sounds of dishes clattering in the next room. Suppressing a growl, she wrapped a pillow over her head to try and drown out the noise and get back to sleep. It didn’t take her long to realize that sleep was no longer an option. She was very definitely awake. And _angry_.

The empty spot on the bed next to her gave her a pretty good idea of who was being an inconsiderate ass. Shego hopped out of bed and stomped her way over to the mostly shut door. Waking a bride up early on her wedding day… Drakken was gonna regret it!

She threw open the door, hands flaming, and yelled, “DRAK-..”

Her yell cut off when she took in the scene in front of her. Dr D sat on the couch in the middle of the room, apparently finishing off his breakfast of some kind of scrambled eggs and toast. In front of him on the small table was a smorgasbord of food. Not just any food, either. It was some of her favorites: caviar, a couple of grapefruits, a plate of crepes, salmon in a sauce, _without_ capers — she HATED those nasty little things — cold borscht, and a jug of what was probably pomegranate juice.

“I… Ah… Surprise?” Drakken said carefully, freezing his person and watching her worriedly.

Her complaints were stolen from her as she realized that Drakken must have gone to a lot of trouble to get some of these dishes prepared for this morning. She just couldn’t be angry now; it was probably one of the most thoughtful things he’d ever done for her.

Whether that spoke to how little he did for her or how young their relationship was she wasn’t sure. It didn’t really matter.

Hands dropping and flaming out, Shego walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. She turned to him, giving him a rare soft smile as she took one of his hands in hers and squeezed.

“You did good, Doc.”

His smile was wide and genuine, and Shego felt a little bad for being so upset at him earlier. He was always a light sleeper, and to expect him to change that and forcibly sleep in for her was asking for something on the impossible side. Though really, considering how drunk he was…

Suddenly remembering that, she said with some disbelief, “I’m pretty shocked that you’re actually managing to get around and think as well as you are. You _should_ be amazingly hung over.”

“Hm?” Her fiance looked at her, confused, as he piled together his dirty dishes. “Why would I be hung over? I don’t think I drank last night. I mean…” His hands went to his back and butt. With some wincing, he said, “I ache in weird places, like I was in a fight or something. My head’s buzzing a little, too. I thought Eddie or one of his thug friends hit me too hard in the head or something and that’s why things are a little fuzzy memory-wise.”

_Dr D had no hangover even with how drunk he was the night before?_ Shego felt a little jealous; she was immune to alcohol, even the initial buzz that most people talked about and liked. For him to get all the benefits with almost none of the drawbacks was unfair. Must be the plant powers or something.

"So, Drew... What all _did_ you and Eddie do last night?” Doc opened his mouth, brows furrowed, when Shego countered his unspoken complaint, “Whatever you remember, at least. I know that your memory’s a little weird right now, but maybe talking about it could help."

"Er... Well…” He leaned back and crossed his arms as he tried to remember what happened through the haze of booze. “I… We went to a strip bar. Eddie had said that we could still ‘watch the scenery’, whatever that means. I remember…” Drew flushed, apparently embarrassed at whatever he was thinking.

Having an idea of what it was, Shego said while fighting a smirk, “He kissed you, right?”

“No!” Drew blinked at his own exclamation, then jumped away from Shego a little, worry on his face as he hurriedly added, “Well, it was more _I_ kissed _him_. I was, erm, insecure about how I kiss. And drunk.”

“Yeah doc, I kinda got that from your rambling last night.” Deciding it was something to address later, she prodded, “So what happened after that?

“Eddie dragged me out… I… I think we went to his motel room?” Drew tilted his head as he thought hard about it. “No, wait, I wanted to look at the stars. It was clear last night, and I wanted to see my favorite constellations. The Corona Borealis is at its clearest at this time of year. Eddie obliged me for some reason. And…” His eyes widened as they had before, but this time he at least kept talking. And, for some reason, he looked both confused and intrigued. “Aren't those things that boys and girls do together...?"

Shego’s eyebrow rose in skepticism. “Boys and girls?” When Drew seemed to ignore her, her eyebrows drooped in annoyance and her voice hardened a bit, “You wanna clarify that a bit?”

“Nnnngh…” The blue man began to twiddle his fingers. "Eddie... He said that you said no hookers or letting me touch strippers, but that you didn't say anything... About… Erm… Well, _him_. And then… We…” As Drew’s eyes widened in horror, while Shego’s narrowed. "...oh. Oh no. Oh no!"  He looked at his fiancee and scooted away, then stopped and sighed in apparent defeat. Bracing himself, he said, "If you want to roast me right now, go ahead. I just... I..."  

"Drew.” Shego took his hand in one of hers once again, then raised the other with surprising gentleness to turn his face meet her gaze. “What. Happened?"

“Er, hrm. I, hngh...” His eyes darted down and he cringed back a little. A soft squeeze from her hand helped to make him relax, if just a little. "I, I, erm, me and Eddie apparently went, uh, we did… Adult stuff. _Cheating_ stuff.” The self-recrimination on Drew’s face made Shego want to either comfort him since it was just a physical thing or slug him for giving in even when he was trashed to hell. Maybe she would do both later. But... He _was_ being honest with her, so maybe _just_ rip him up one side and down the other, _then_ comfort him would be enough. "Eddie, erm, tried to start things off, but, well, neither of us... Nnngh... I got frustrated, I took control, and things were _better._ "

“You took control? As in Eddie bottomed?” Drew flinched, then nodded. Shego sat for a moment, thinking about what he had just told her. Eventually, in a distantly intrigued voice similar to his earlier introspection, she just said, "...huh. Never thought Eddie'd be into that sort of thing."

Dr D’s mouth flopped open and closed a few times, clearly baffled with Shego’s nonchalant response. It made her attempt at amused indifference — she couldn’t _quite_ stifle the intrigue, her personal proclivities wouldn’t allow it — completely worth it. The look on his face was _priceless_!

“Shego, I just admitted to _cheating on you_ ,” he finally said, choking up on the last few words. “How can you just, just be like that?!”

Shego watched him for a moment before replying. “Frankly, Doc, it sounds like it was all on Eddie. You were trashed, yeah?” He nodded with some hesitance. “And Eddie was sober?” Another nod, though he did raise his hand in a ‘fifty-fifty’ gesture. “So, from the sounds of it, Eddie took advantage of you.”

Drew paled. “But, but I didn’t-..”

“Up-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.” Shego pushed his lips together with her free hand to stop him talking. “This isn’t your fault, Drew. Though…” She paid careful attention to his demeanor as she asked, “Do you feel violated?”

"Er…” He winced, then looked up in thought, then winced again, and mumbled, “Well, I, ah, I , erm… GACK!” Petals burst from his neck. The green woman fought the urge to laugh at Drakken’s obvious distress, knowing that it would just make him close up. “Nnngh!" He pulled the petals off as he apparently honestly answered, “No, I don’t. In fact…” guilt laced his next words “I really enjoyed it! It was, well, _nice_. Even though I was drunk, I was the one that was in control... Er, well, kind of.”

“Huh.” Digesting that for a moment, she thought on why, exactly, she was acting so apparently indifferent to the revelation of her fiance’s activities with his cousin the night before. It didn’t take too long to strike on why that was. With a giggle, she said, “Well, at least I’m the one that popped your cherry. Glad that neither of us were able to wait until now…” As he floundered in shock and confusion, she added with a cat-like grin, “Don’t worry, Drew, I won’t hurt Eddie for this. Much. Just gotta teach him his place beyond being under you.”

"Do you promise?” Drew asked nervously, apparently deciding to take her acceptance at face value and ignoring her little jab as a joke. “He _is_ family..."

"I said don't worry, so don't! I would’ve been more upset if you’d woken up with a hangover or something." To reinforce her statement, she squeezed his hand a few more times, while mentally adding, _Besides, this is really rather… Interesting…_

With that small comment, Shego realized that while Dr D may have dodged the hangover bullet, there was no way Eddie had. She wasn’t sure how, without causing him bodily harm... Though... She had experienced one of Eddie’s ’five alarm’ hangovers that one night he stayed at the lair, back when they stole that one kid’s wheelchair. Complaining about needing the hair of a dog, a phrase had mystified Doc to no end, instead of a sensible glass of water and an aspirin or two. Not to mention whining away half the morning when he couldn’t find more than a couple wine coolers one of the henchmen preferred in the fridge.

_Oh, that’s positively_ evil _, Shego…_ the thief snickered to herself, _It’s_ perfect _!_ A vicious smirk crossed her face as she thought on how to capitalize on this stroke of fate to make Eddie suffer for his failings the night before.

“Uh, Shego?” Her doc sidled away from her on the couch, a nervous titter in his voice. “You have one of your scary faces. Are you sure I’m not in trouble?”

The green woman chuckled a little and looked at her beau even as she picked up a fork to start in on her breakfast. “No, _you_ aren’t in trouble… In fact, I’m glad you woke me up this early. Gives me time to… Take care of business.”

“Good! Now then...” He paused and mumbled, sounding like he was thinking aloud, "Should I forget last night...?"

Shego's sharp glare let him know what the answer was. Just because she was okay with it having happened didn't mean that she would play second fiddle to _anyone_ , especially in the doc's fantasies. Unless... Well, negotiations could be made for sharing...

“Either way, let’s get things together for now...” Drakken got up from the couch and went over to the closet. He pulled his tux out of the dry cleaning bag and began to put it on. For some reason, he was far more worried about getting groomed in time for the wedding than Shego was. With a small grimace, he said quietly, “I do feel bad for Eddie…”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

**ELELELELEL**

Shego walked into the small church in downtown Lowerton with fell purpose. This was her wedding venue, one that would be finding use in a little under four hours, and so it wasn’t so unusual for her to be there. However, her reason was very much not in keeping with the feelings that were supposed to be associated with weddings and churches.

A scowl almost came to her face as she thought on Eddie’s irresponsibility. While the motorhead definitely wasn’t the most responsible man around, she had still expected him to be able to follow a simple list. Apparently he liked the idea of being horribly disfigured by plasma and drinking more than following her ‘what to do, what _not_ to do’ list.

But that would be later. For now, Shego would be satisfied making his experience at the wedding as horrible as she could manage without wrecking it for anyone else. _Especially_ her and Dr D.

It was easy enough to find the organist. The fact that he was practicing for the wedding made his location very obvious.

He was just wrapping up a rendition of ‘You Are The Best Thing’ when Shego tapped him on the shoulder. Turning around, her short poker buddy looked up at her with a smile.

“Heya Shego gal!” he said brightly with his high-pitched voice, his big nosed, thin moustachioed face all smiles as he hopped off of the stool to stand in front of her.

“Hi Kidd.” Shego didn’t actually know his real name. No one did, really. All anyone knew him as was ‘the Kidd’. Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like she used her real name with anyone but really, really close family.

“What brings you to this dump of a church so early? Setting up for the assassination?” Kidd joked, elbowing her in the hip.

“Oh please. You know that if I’d wanted to knock off Dr D I would’ve had better places and timing to do it than in a church in front of a bunch of witnesses,” she replied, studying her nails with indifference. “No, what I had in mind was something a little more petty.”

“Petty? _You_? Oh, say it ain’t so, girl!”

Even with the feelings of vengeance on her mind, Shego couldn’t fully repress the titter at his joke.

“Yeah, I know. It’s such a shocker,” she deadpanned with a small smirk.

“So then,” the short man said, crossing his arms and leaning against the stool, “how can a humble poker hustler help the hottest gal he’s ever known get some petty revenge during her wedding?”

“Well, it’s like this…”

Shego told him about the events as she understood them — leaving out the kissing and incest, since that was something she felt just a bit too personal — finishing up with her insight into Eddie’s current state. Once she finished, the Kidd was nodding in understanding.

“Yeah, that really does sound like it needs some kind of payback. Idiots like that…” He shook his head in disappointment, firmly enough that his meticulously kept pompadour shook a bit. “This Eddie guy sounds like some kind of hick.” Kidd said with distaste, “You sure you wanna marry into that sort of thing?”

“Eh, less hick and more redneck, metalhead biker with delusions of grandeur.” A chuckle escaped her as she noted, “The Doc’s nothin’ like him, unless he’s trying to get Eddie on friendlier terms. At least Dr D seems to have learned his lesson from that mulleted idiot leaving him in prison last year.” She shrugged at the same time the Kidd shrugged, smiling in understanding. “Thankfully, Eddie’s something like a second or third cousin. He only hangs around the doc and his mom because no one else in the family will suffer him.”

“Hrm… Still doesn’t sound like a smart move that the gal I know to be pretty savvy would make,” he said, eyeing her critically. The Kidd scratched his head, taking care not to displace his pompadour, and sighed, “But it is your choice. If you wanna get bogged down with a maddie and his family, go right ahead. I don’t mind…” a smug grin came to his face “...as long as you still show up every once in a while so we can hustle the newbies at the club.”

“Like anyone could keep me away!” Shego laughed with some villainous glee. _Besides, this is_ just _phase one..._ Changing gears, she asked, “So how loud can these pipes get, and how loud are you legally able to play them…?”

**ELELELELEL**

A seriously harsh high-pitched whistle tore the mane man from his restless slumber and back into the real world. Eddie forced his crusty eye open as he rolled out of the small motel bed and onto the floor. Crawling, trying to ignore the familiar ache in his head and body, he made his way over to the alarm the Green Babe had loaned him to make sure he woke up in time for the wedding.

He smashed it with his fist. It caused a throb of pain behind his eyes, but it served to silence the little carry-around alarm thing. The sudden lack of noise was a grace to the motorhead; goodness knew his hangovers were some of the most bogus kinds that existed.

Everything hurt him. Light, noise, movement… It all combined to make him nauseous and in pain. Whenever he drank this much, he tended to curl up in a hole with a bottle of whiskey and wait it out until he could open his eyes without flinching.

Eddie couldn’t do that today, though. He’d totally promised Mama L that he’d be there for the wedding no matter how messed up he was, part of the reason why Green had loaned him her super-alarm.

...she was seriously totally gonna kill him since he broke it, but she was already gonna do that anyway with the condition he had dropped Drew off in.

Condition. Last night. _Drew_.

Eddie was suddenly wide awake as he flashed back to the bits and pieces from last night. His hands rubbed the sleepiness from his eyes and quickly dusted his clothes off, ignoring the small extra throbs of pain in his head as he did so. He didn’t quite remember everything about last night — he never did when he drank like that — but he remembered enough to know that he seriously wasn’t digging his cuz with Green Babe.

No, instead he was totally digging Drew himself. Eddie was never much of an introspection kind of man which is probably why it took so long for him to catch a clue. His blue cousin was seriously his kind of guy!

Eddie stumbled over to the sink and poured some achingly loud and cold water down his throat, hoping to stifle the hangover a little. He hadn’t had enough foresight to leave himself a scotch or something to mitigate things. A seriously stupid mistake on his part.

As he tended to his awesome mane, Eddie thought about everything in general.

He dug Drew.

Green Babe dug Drew.

Drew must’ve totally dug him and kinda dug Green Babe, enough to get hitched anyway.

So, considering all of that and the things that society at large had taught him through movies and stuff, Eddie came to one conclusion: he had to stop this thing and seriously show Drew that Eddie dug him more than Green Babe did.

Now the only problem was how he could totally manage to break this bogus wedding up without getting skinned by everyone involved…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doesn’t Eddie know that interrupting a wedding by stealing one of the partners only applies to heteronormative romance movies with a quirky side character to break the tension?


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie walked into the small, run-down church with trepidation. His footsteps were soft and quiet in the hopes that the woman that ran the Sunday school wouldn’t hear him. It didn’t matter that she’d kicked the bucket years ago. She was vindictive enough to hang around as a ghost or something to smack old students with her ruler whenever she had the chance, and he imagined that his mode of dress — his usual stuff with a tie thrown on top — would have instantly caught her attention, not to mention his clear hangover problem.

Of course, that was only  _ most _ of why he was nervous. 

The other part was his half-baked idea to try and whisk Drew off to be his biker babe.

The desire behind it was sound. The more Eddie thought about it, the more certain he was. It was the whole problem of actually making it happen that was eluding him.

When it came to the bottom line, Eddie just didn’t have the firepower to take on Green and her family. Ideally, he would’ve brought his fighting bike with to try and combat them all. He would’ve had a good chance with his gear. The thought just never occurred to him until that moment, likely because of his gnarly headache.

Ah well. He could probably wing it and just snatch Drew out from under them all. Lipsky’s were good at that.

_ Speaking of Lipsky’s… _ Eddie wondered in frustration,  _ There’s Mama L, where the hell’s Ma? I thought she was coming with Drew's mom? _

“I see at least  _ you _ managed to arrive on time, Eddie,” Mama L said with a strained smile, all but sweeping into the church behind him, “Your mother wasn't at the airport, so I hope she managed to find someone to bring her here.” Eddie shrugged, and was suddenly glad he’d totally chosen his newest, deepest blue colored blue jeans, his long sleeved t-shirt and his absolutely best leathers, since Mama L had come dressed in her Sunday best. Eddie actually found it pretty funny since it  _ was _ Sunday and all. Shego had somehow convinced the church people to let her have this day all for her wedding.

“Heya auntie! You ready for a rockin’ wedding?” Eddie played his air guitar and gave a hearty “Yeah-ah-ah-ah-ah!” He even managed to hide the wince when his actions made it feel like a spike had been driven into his skull.

“Now now, Eddie .” Mama L chided, though she did have a smile on her face, “There’s a time and place for that sort of thing, and now is  _ not _ the time.”

“Awwww, c’mon Mama L!” Eddie groused teasingly, though he did let his smile shine in a way that told her he was listening, something he’d learned with the woman years earlier, “This is, like, supposed to be all celebrate-y and stuff.” In his head, he added, _Though I may crash things a bit…_

“There’s celebrating, and then there’s what you do.” Eddie tilted his head in confusion. “I know you like to ‘make a scene’,” Mama Lipsky said, quoting with her fingers. “That’s why I’m here with you instead of helping Drewbie and his lady friend get things ready. I’ll be sticking to you like glue. If you try  _ any _ thing, you  _ will _ live to regret it…” Her glare was so sharp that Eddie was pretty sure that he got a papercut on his cheek from where she’d been staring. “Do you understand,  _ Edward Terrance Lipsky _ ?”

He automatically nodded in response, unable to deny his aunt when she had her Authoritative Motherly Tone going. It was practically hardwired into him to seriously follow whatever his relatives said when they got that tone.

Eddie and Mama L walked up the stairs from the entryway into the church’s main room. For some reason, it was empty of everyone save for the preacher guy. Voices echoed down from the balcony area. Mama L and Eddie followed them to where Green Babe, Drew, and Green Babe’s family seemed to be arguing.

“I just don’t understand why you would break tradition like this,” the big blue guy that wasn’t Drew said, peeved, standing at the top of the stairs and leaning against the wall and handrail. He was in a basic tuxedo with blue highlights, though it seemed to be a bad fit for the large man. “You know that the groom and bride are not supposed to see each other on their wedding day!”

“Yeah, I know that’s a tradition. I’m not dumb, Hego.” Green Babe huffed and waved her hand. “I just  _ don’t care _ .”

“Well, I do! And…” he rubbed the bridge of his nose “And I heard that you and your…” Hego looked at Drew “Your…  _ Significant other _ … Stayed in the same hotel room together! The temptation…”

Green practically had a belly laugh at his horror. Smirking, she proclaimed, "Oh, you don't have to worry about consummation, Heeg, that's taken care of. But don't think I  _ won’t _ be doin'  _ just that _ later..."

"You DEFLOWERED my sister?!" The handrail he had been holding to keep balance at the top of the stairs creaked under his now-glowing knuckles. From where Eddie was standing, it was totally obvious that the metal was bending under his fingers. Even with all that force being applied the Hego dude didn’t seem to notice. All he seemed to care about was the weird notion he had that Drew was the first one to get down and dirty with Green Babe. “How  _ dare _ you spoil what little innocence she had left, you vagabond of ill repute! I will-..”

"Hego...” Green Babe said in a tone that sent chills down Eddie’s spine, “Don't. Even. THINK. About. It." The green woman stepped between her incensed sibling and her worried beau. “This is  _ my _ wedding. We are doing things  _ my way _ , so cut out the glow and go sit down. Unless you want me to pull out mine?” As an apparent demonstration, she lit her hand up and melted a section of the handrail. “Understand?”

Reluctantly, the big blue guy with the glowing blue magic nodded and begrudgingly made his way down the steps. Following close behind was the purple guy, who complained about how Hego never did that with any of his girlfriends, and the red twins, who were obliviously debating over how long Shego and Drakken’s marriage would last. Those three were also wearing color-matched tuxedos that didn’t quite fit right, likely off-the-shelf buys.

Green Babe cut loose an evil smirk as she apparently decided to put some whipped cream on her ice cream sundae of victory.

“Oh, and Hego?” He turned back to look up at her, confused. “If you think that Doc took my virginity, think again. Only one cherry was popped that night, and it certainly wasn’t mine!”

Even as Drew turned purple across every available surface of skin — an effect that Eddie actually thought was pretty cute — Hego’s anger was made clear when he again took the handrail in his grip and squished it into a misshapen chunk.

All Green did in response was raise an eyebrow and ask, “You done with your hissy fit? ‘cause I’m  _ not _ paying for these damages.”

Hego looked at his and Green’s handiwork and sighed. “There goes my yearly bonus.”

“Serves you right,” Drew mumbled, some of the purple having left his face as he and Green Babe turned back up the stairs to do whatever was left to do for setting up. Belatedly, Eddie realized that he hadn’t even noticed what Drew or Green was wearing, having been focused on the fight.

On top of that, Eddie was again reevaluating his idea of kidnapping Drew with on-the-fly planning. He could probably take on one of the superpowered dudes at a time without his gear. But all five? The little demonstration that they just gave along with Mama L’s clear warning… That was enough to convince Eddie that making a move during the wedding was a seriously bad idea. There was snatchin’ 'n' grabbin’ a seriously awesome partner, and then there was  _ living _ .

Even with his distraction, Eddie still heard Mama L comment as the two of them wandered back down the stairs after Green’s family, “It doesn’t matter if Drewbie sleeps with  _ forty _ women as long as he settles down with one and gives me grandbabies…”

**ELELELELEL**

The wedding. The stupid floofy green-and-blue themed party thing was just a pile of annoyance for Eddie. It felt  _ wrong _ for him to be here, to have to witness…  _ It _ . The massive headache only made the knot that had formed in his stomach worse, and Eddie was starting to worry that he might seriously chuck in the aisle or something. The amazingly bright lights really,  _ really _ didn’t help things at all.

When Drew walked in to wait at the front of the room near the altar, though, most of the tension in his stomach fled as he took in the totally awesome suit and stuff that his little cousin was in.

The suit was a pinstriped navy blue set, the blazer and pants matching up perfectly. A long red tie was tucked into a pressed white button-up shirt. It was a little weird since most wedding tuxes were black or whatever, but Drew looked amazing in the ensemble. He must have gone to a spa or something in the morning ‘cause he looked immaculately groomed all the way down to his mini-mullet. Even his shoes made him look awesome, what with them shining like mad. His cousin looked seriously put together, and Eddie honestly felt underdressed because of it.

_ I should be up there! _ he mentally huffed before catching himself. Eddie shook his head and sighed. That was seriously way too serious to be thinking of it.

When the music started up, it blared with such noise that the edges of everything he could see were blurring from the soundwaves. Eddie’s head felt like it was gonna split right down the middle with the music acting like a wedge to the throbbing’s axe. It was almost  _ excruciating _ , it was so loud.

Through the pain, Eddie noticed that Green Babe had started to walk in. Her dress was seriously sweet, and the small pleasures that he got from the female form popped up and whistled.

It was more of an evening gown dress than a wedding one, lacking the train and the white. Instead, it was a dark green dress with a slit down the side and thin, nearly spaghetti straps helping to hold the dress on. Floofing out from the slit were progressively larger layers of fabric, giving the impression that Green was some kind of seriously showy flower. She wore what looked like a fancier version of her work gloves, nails and all, along with a totally brilliant tiara that was clearly made with emeralds and some smaller kinds of semi-precious stones of a lighter green hue. Four inch black stilettos and a loose black belt helped to round out her clothing choice.

Eddie very much appreciated her attire, but the disappointed sigh from the other side of the aisle made the Hego guy’s opinion pretty clear. Even Eddie found that sorta thing distasteful; it was supposed to be a happy wedding thing. The blue guy could’ve at least faked it like the motorman was!

Green Babe practically teleported across the room to join Drew at the altar. As they turned toward the preacher priest guy, Eddie looked away and winced as the notes from the organ died down. The throbbing in his head was ten times worse than it was earlier. It almost felt intentional with how loud and bright it was! But that would just be weird. He sighed and braced himself as he tried to simply make it through the ceremony without interrupting in one fashion or another, no matter how much he wanted to.

**ELELELELEL**

The reception was, to Eddie’s surprise, at a nice restaurant in southern Middleton. The couple had rented the use of a private room, and while the food was seriously amazing, the choices of booze were... Less so.

_ I guess Green Babe and Drew didn’t want anyone gettin’ seriously trashed. _ Eddie scowled slightly, grimacing as he sipped at his beer. A  _ lite _ beer, from that company just up the interstate a couple hours. The only good thing about it was the thin alcohol content had taken the edge off of his hangover.  _ Okay, that’s it, I  _ gotta _ skate! _

That decision made, he started walking towards where the bride and groom were standing and watching the party guests. They were obviously happy, which didn’t settle well with Eddie in the least, but what could he do? Nothing, at the moment; Green’s family were still sticking around. Red 1 and Red 2 had just gone over and started talking with Green and Drew, while the two loser older magic guys stood and complained to each other.

“I don’t care, Mego!” Green Babe’s biggest brother complained with a deep pout as Eddie passed him and the purple haired brother, “It just isn’t  _ proper _ !”

“And you still wonder why she left.” The purple guy rolled his eyes expansively. “Whereas I figured it out  _ years  _ ago!”

_ Those guys are  _ seriously  _ lame! _ he thought as he passed between them, ignoring Blue Dude as he muttered at Eddie’s rudeness.  _ No wonder Green Babe’s always on edge and annoyed, if she grew up with  _ those _ two! _

The two red guys were now talkin’ with his cousin a few feet away from an exasperated yet amused Green. They kinda looked angry, and as Eddie got closer it was totally clear what was going on. They were seriously failing to keep their voices down, which made it easy for the motorman and Green to overhear what they were saying.

“...and if you  _ don’t _ take care of Sheegs you’ll have  _ us _ to deal with!” one of them said, pointing his finger in front of Drew’s nose.

_ Sheegs? Seriously cool nickname! _

“Don’t think we won’t!” the other practically snarled as he crossed his arms. The two of them held their poses for a few moments, likely trying to really dig the message in, before they nodded to each other and withdrew from the conversation walking backwards, giving Drew the ‘I’ve got my eye on you’ finger gesture.

If they’d been about a foot taller and older than mid-teens, they might have looked a little intimidating. They just kinda looked like pouty teenagers as they were now, though. It was almost comical, and Eddie had to try and hold in a condescending chuckle at the two boys as they nearly fell over, tripping against a garbage can set up in the middle of the room for the small number of guests to dump their various waste into.

“So… What did they want?” It was seriously obvious that Green Babe had overheard everything. It looked like she was trying to share the joke with Drew a bit, which was totally weird on her part. She tended to laugh  _ at _ him, not  _ with _ him.

“Well, it seems that when they were discussing the odds of us staying together, they realized that you might end up hurt by us breaking up…” Drew said, stifling a snicker.

Deciding it was a nice-enough thing to hop in on, Eddie finished walking over to them, tossing his empty beer can in the garbage the Reds tripped into as he did.  “Hey, Cuz, Green Babe!” Eddie tried to put his most seriously enthusiastic tone of voice on, short of an air guitar, of course. Mama L wouldn’t like that  _ at all _ !

“Hey, Mullet Man,” Shego said with a painfully neutral tone.

“Erm, Eddie.” Drew said a trifle nervously, glancing ever-so-slightly towards Shego, “Heading out already?”

_ Huh, _ Eddie pondered,  _ What’s that about? _

He resisted shaking his head in confusion, and with a smile he knew was a bit plastic, he nodded. "Yeah. Seriously, champagne and lite beer ain't my scene. The Motorman totally needs some hard liquors if he’s gonna enjoy himself."

“Well, uh, drive safely,” Drew said, his smile just as nervous as he sound ed .

“What the doc said.” Shego added indifferently, sounding like she didn’t actually mean it, “Wouldn’t want to hear about you becoming a hood ornament.”

“No problemo, Green Babe! This hasn’t even worked up a buzz in the Mane Man, seriously!” Eddie felt an overwhelming urge, one he didn’t really understand, but he went with it anyway. Reaching out, he wrapped his huge arms around both of their shoulders. It was brief, but left both the bride and groom flabbergasted. “Hey, congrats ‘n’ stuff, right?”

“Right...” Shego muttered with suddenly suspicious eyes.

Drew, on the other hand, looked unaccountably happy at the gesture. “Right! Talk to you later, Ed!”

“Right, laters!” Eddie let loose a smile at his younger cousin, then turned and walked over to Mama L and his own ma.

Like Eddie, his ma came to the wedding all casual-like, sporting a denim knee length skirt and a long sleeved, gray blouse with a small Gnarly-Davidoff logo. Her salt-and-pepper black hair was done up in twin braids, another small concession on her part. Mama L had clearly not been happy when Ma finally showed up in the middle of the ceremony, but then again, since when did those two really get along super well?

They stopped whatever they were bickering about when they noticed him walking over. He was sure that he would totally not dig what they had to say, so he began speaking before either of them could, “Hey, Ma, Mama L, I’m gonna go hit the road.”

“You’re not staying, Edward?” Mama L asked with a small edge, drawing a slight wince from the motorhead. He wasn’t sure why she was still upset; he totally didn’t do anything harsh during the wedding!

“I’m kind of surprised he stayed  _ this _ long,” his ma said with a snort. “Eddie-kins isn’t much for family, after all.”

“Well,” Eddie shrugged, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck while desperately trying to ignore the hollow pang in his chest from what his ma said, “I kinda wanna hit the road and think about some things, y’know, with Cousin Drew gettin’ hitched, it got me to thinkin’...”

“Don’t do something foolish, Edward,” Mama L said with narrowed eyes, making him fight the urge to gulp.

“Or don’t name it after me!” his mom snickered, making him wince again.

“No, just gonna take a cruise ‘n’ think about stuff, seriously!” he promised, holding his hands up as if warding off blows.

“Be safe, Edward,” Moma L said with a moue of concern.

“And don’t tear outta here like it’s a race,” his ma said harshly. “It’s a  _ nice restaurant _ , for Christ’s sake!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie said as he turned and made his way out of the building, ignoring Big Blue Dude and Mama L’s comments about his ma’s choice of words and the hypocrisy behind them. That seemed to start another quiet bicker session — and only quiet because they were in public — between his ma and Mama L, but that was like sayin’ that people needed to breathe.

He did at least listen to his mom, straddle-walking his bike to the edge of the parking lot before kick starting it, then leaving with at least a modicum of restraint. As he got to the first light on Middleton Boulevard, he glanced left and right, trying to decide where to go. He did have a lot of thinking to do, but not the kind he intimated to his ma and Mama L.

He could continue straight and hit one of the bars that’d be open and serving the seriously hard stuff this early, or he could turn left and hit the road up through Middleton Pass. Maybe even go up to the summit of Mount Middleton. The motorhead felt an excited shiver at the last thought, remembering the prior night and early morning, and what had happened up there...

That made his decision for him. The light changed and he turned left, thankful there wasn’t much traffic as he let his speed creep up to nearly 100 MPH. Not that he’d pay attention to anything as mundane as speed limits, now or ever. His state of mind just made it even less of a care as he decided he would just beat the hell out of anyone that tried to stop him.

Luck was with him when he saw no sign of PD, sheriff’s office, or highway patrol. With an indulgent grin, Eddie opened his hog up a bit more, topping 140 at the end of a long, straight stretch of Highway 24.

_ What’m I gonna do? _ he moaned to himself, his face pensive. He liked Cousin Drew. A lot. More than any chick he’d ever had, or dated. Oh, he’d come close with a couple, the closest being the  _ one _ chick other than Green Babe that he’d never scored with! It was pretty funny, really; she hadn’t even sprung into his mind once when he and Drew were doing stuff together, or when he'd been seriously wasted the night before. Now that he was thinking about it, though, she came up as a serious comparison thing with Drew on stuff that Eddie dug.

Even with that, though, him and Red hadn’t done much more than a few sloppy make-out sessions, and they’d barely got to second base or anything! He felt funny as he thought back to that crazy, party girl of a redhead. He’d hung out with her when she was in college, before work had taken him across the country to that seriously restrictive lab back East.  _ I mean, yeah, I never got all the way, but she was  _ the  _ closest thing I ever had to ‘The One’ in a girl, seriously! _

He remembered what it was like, how he felt, when he kissed her. Comparing it to Drew’s seriously awesome attention, Eddie couldn’t help but admit that Drew was even better than Red! And that was when his cuz was  _ trashed _ ! Eddie didn’t even know how Drew was sober. He found that he really,  _ really _ wanted to know.

And the few times it got beyond kissing with her, to petting, she’d always been the one in charge. Just like Drew, but Drew...

“Oh, man, Drew seriously took charge!” he enthused, taking his hands off the handlebars, keeping the bike straight with subtle shifts of his weight, then blasted out an air guitar solo, “Yeah-ah-ah-ah-ah-yeah!”

With a despondent sigh, he dropped his hands back to the handlebars, downshifting and slowing down to about 80 when he came upon the twisting switchbacks that led up the mountains. He looked up into the incongruously blue sky and begged, “What’m I gonna do? Seriously, what?”

He pondered, actually seriously for a few, blinking away at tears he was loathe to admit were falling from his eyes. "Drew's hitched, an’ I can't do anything about it...”

He grumbled a bit as he came around a bend and got stuck behind a huge pickup truck towing a badass-looking boat. The truck itself he could appreciate; it was suspension lifted, with components from quality companies. Some of them the motorhead recognized as ones the motorman himself had designed and sold to the company!

In the bed of the truck were a couple college-aged hotties, sittin’ on what he guessed were beer coolers, their hair flying wildly behind them. The smaller of the two looked vaguely Asian, maybe Filipino or something, the other was a gorgeous Mexican chick with a beauty mark on her left upper lip.

They waved at him, and he waved back, appreciating their assets, though inside he was debating their merits versus both Green Babe and his cousin. Mostly his cousin. He was tempted, very,  _ very _ briefly, to pull alongside and ask where the party was. But... He wasn’t in the mood. Because he was thinkin’ of Drew.

“Oh, man, I’ve got it bad!” He waved again, giving them a wink — he had to do at least that, or he had to turn in his man card! — before downshifting and blasting past them. He gave the driver, a short haired  _ chick _ of all things, a thumbs up as he passed, then rocketed back up to 80. “Gah! The open road should be helping me think, not makin’ me  _ more _ confused!”

With no end in sight for his deliberations, he continued on, his destination the scenic overlook where his cousin had shown him just what he’d been missing out on in his life...

**ELELELELEL**

“Hey, Nerdlinger.” Shego snickered as the teen boy almost spat his soda out when she popped up on his screen.

“Sh-Shego?” Wade gasped, blinking at her repeatedly.

“Yeah,” the green woman smirked at the camera on her phone, then her expression fell slightly as she remembered why she was calling. “Look, y’remember that favor ya owe me?”

“Er, yeah?” Wade gulped, wondering what the woman would ask for. Even if she’d been pardoned, there were all sorts of nasty little things she could want some dirt on. The rotund boy was very glad that Kim didn’t know about his  _ other _ activities that had wound up with him owing Shego a favor in the first place.

“Oh, don’t get your briefs in a bunch!” Shego rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. “Look, I’m calling in half of the favor now, since this is a small thing. Heck, you might even fall asleep from boredom in the 30 seconds it’ll take you.”

“Er...” Wade looked about to protest, but instead sat back and narrowed his eyes. “Why don’t you let me know what you want, and we’ll decide afterward?”

“Sure thing, Short Round.” Shego nodded, her estimation of the kid, which was already pretty high, going up a notch. Wade actually seemed to preen at the nickname, which drew a snort from Shego. With some mild sarcasm, she commented, “Figures you’d like the  _ best _ character from that movie.”

“Yup.” Wade agreed with a grin, clearly ignoring the barb in her words.

“Anyway, I need you to track someone’s current whereabouts for me,” the pale thief said, picking at her nails a bit.

“Motor Ed?” Wade hazarded, immediately paling when Shego raised an eyebrow.

“Good guess...” Shego pursed her lips, especially when Wade seemed to go a bit green. “Get a bit of an eyeful,  _ Nerdlinger _ ? Last night, perhaps?”

“Um...” Wade gulped, his eyes twitching away for a second before he looked back and gave a guilty grin. “I was just making sure they weren’t going to do anything  _ too _ bad for his bachelor party...”

“You were still tracking us? When we  _ both _ know that Princess said something along the lines of, what was it?” Shego brought a finger to her chin, looking up as if honesty contemplating the question. She snapped her fingers, her voice dropping into a passable impression of Kim, “Oh, yeah! ‘Wade, we have to try to trust them, at least a little bit, ‘kay?’ Or something close to that?”

“But, I mean...” Wade choked out. “That is, Motor Ed wasn’t... Yknow... Um... Oh, yeah, he’s working on... Oh,  _ snap _ ...”

“Exactly.” Shego shook her head and tutted at him when he tried to stammer a reply, “Be a pity if she found out about it, huh?”

“Oh, that’s dirty...” Wade muttered, even as his face paled a bit more. “Okay, um, let me just pull up that info and we’ll call it a friendly favor?”

“Yeah.” Shego snickered, “I thought so...”

She held the smug grin on her face for a few seconds longer, then broke down laughing, making Wade’s face twist in incredulous annoyance. She turned away from the screen to yell at Drew, who had shouted about her being too loud with her laughter, before turning back to face Wade.

“Oh, that was  _ good _ ...” she said after nearly a minute and a few false starts due to laughing too hard. Taking a few deep gulps of breath, she finally choked out, “That paranoia, as annoying as it’s been in the past, is one of the reasons I like ya, Short Round! Don’t worry, I wouldn’t  _ dream _ of telling Cupcake about your covert monitoring beyond her doofus, and I’ll even let you take a quarter favor for this.” She paused, then added, “Maybe the full half I mentioned earlier if you’re quick.”

“Okay.” Wade breathed a sigh of relief. He laced his fingers together and gave a knuckle cracking stretch, before poising his fingers over his keyboards. Within thirty seconds of rapid fire tapping, he smirked. “Got him! He’s about halfway from the summit of Mount Middleton heading back to town.” Wade paused and gave a bit of a shiver, likely from the memory of the night before, before blinking and continuing, “You taking a hover or your jet?”

“The jet, doy!” Shego chuckled. “Can you give m-...”

“Already done.” Wade smirked smugly, managing a chuckle when Shego gave him a half-hearted glare.

“Thanks,  _ Nerdlinger _ .” Shego shook her head and disconnected. Standing and stretching, she considered what all she wanted to say and do once she caught up with Eddie. She strode from the suite’s bedroom with purpose, giving Drew a halfhearted, “Going out, be back in a few hours!” as she made her way to the door, her mind distracted. The jet would set down on the roof, thanks to the AI that the young nerd she just finished talking to installed a year or so ago for a hefty chunk of money.

“Could you pick up some milk and pickles?” Drew called back to her from the living area where he was marathoning one of his dorky sci-fi shows. “The room service here is a rip-off and I want to have a solid snack before bedtime tonight!”

“Sure, sure...” Shego replied distractedly. A moment passed, a few more steps taken, before she stopped and stood stiff with anger as she realized how she’d answered. Now she was contemplating going back to fry Drew for the temerity of having  _ her _ go out to get food for  _ him _ . She stopped herself, though. They were married, and she’d already learned that holding her temper, and her normal expectations, in check, could lead to... Interesting things. Such as the breakfast this morning, which was damn near as good as some she’d had in high end resort hotels.

“No time to think about it now.” Shego admonished herself. After all, she had an idiot to take care of!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where in the world can the story go from here? Maybe it’s a secret tale of a man that repressed his true feelings and sexuality and such because it wasn’t his definition of masculine and only started on his tale of self-discovery with the accidental help of his cousin… Or maybe it’s more about the kind of convoluted stupidity that only the Motorman can get into. It's up for interpretation. I'd vote the latter.


	4. Chapter 4

It’d been almost four hours since he’d left his cousin and Green Babe’s reception, and Eddie wasn’t a bit closer to resolving his issues than he’d been then. If anything, laying on the grass and looking at the sky was making things _seriously_ worse ‘cause it reminded him of how he felt.

His idea to bust the wedding and run off with Drew went up with smoke when Green’s family showed up in ill spirits. The Big Blue Dude looked like he would’ve _savored_ the chance to take out his seriously bogus frustrations on some unwitting bad dude, not to mention what _Shego_ would have done if he wouldn’t have been able to take her down or get outta there fast enough.

And now Eddie was kicking himself. Because now Drew and Green Babe were _hitched_ . There had been a chance for him to totally stop it and prove that he wanted Drew more than Green Babe did and he didn’t take it. Hell, he _couldn’t_ take it! This was one of those times that thinking ahead would’ve actually been a good thing.

Eddie was mystified at a weird hitching feeling in his chest at the idea that Drew and Green Babe were gonna stick together for the rest of forever or whatever. It kinda hurt. It was like earlier, when those weird tears came to his eyes…

“No way…” he murmured as he realized what it probably was as tears pooled in his eyes again. The mane motorman was actually _upset_! Sad and all those girly emotions that a guy like him shouldn’t have! It should have felt wrong, but it really, really didn’t. In fact, it felt strangely good.

The hitch in his chest heaved a little, and more tears came to his eyes. He had lost, _again_ , the one that could’ve been ‘the One’. And instead of annoyed blue eyes glaring at him when he came back to see his girl on the arms of a seriously tall nerdy dude with some seriously _gnarly_ fighting chops, it was to the Green Babe, who had even _more_ fighting chops!

And worse, this one _should’ve_ been way obvious to him! His little cousin, a guy he’s known since he was a kid, and he missed it because he was seriously stuck on being a big manly guy…

If he could go back in time, he would’ve protested the wedding. Given a speech like he should’ve, like he’d seen in all of those movies and crap that were all romance-y and where the main person got the person they seriously dug afterwards. Things he’d been made to watch by ladies, but now he could admit that he had genuinely wanted to see.

Man, he’d been a _total_ idiot.

Frowning, Eddie wiped his face and asked the open air, “So, the mulletman loses out again, huh? Seriously bogus. But… It ain’t like I can do nothin’ now. Drew and Green Babe tied the knot. It’s not like I can kidnap Cuz and-..” His rambling came to a halt and his eyes widened as a seriously obvious fact smacked him in the face. “Wait a sec… Why _can’t_ I just snatch Drew?” He sat back up, staring down the mountain at the parts of the cities that could be seen. With some joy, Eddie noted, “Divorce is _totally_ a thing! And that’d be, like, totally a thing, if I could just convince Drew...”

Getting to his feet, a plan began to form in his mind. Planning was totally _not_ one of his great skills, unlike Drew, but when push came to shove Eddie could come up with passable ideas. All he’d have to do is wait ‘til Green Babe was gone... But what if Drew fought him? He needed a better plan, seriously, but what else could he do? A ‘passable’ plan wouldn’t work, right? It’d have to be perfect! It wasn’t like planning out a mod to a car or bike, or engineering something up from scratch! How could he make a pla-...

“Wait a minute...” he stopped, holding his arms out like he was stopping his crew, thinking hard for a minute. He could plan out mechanical engineering in his sleep. Even when he did mods on the fly, he planned them in his head before actually doing ‘em, right? So... Maybe if he planned this like an engineering problem...

“Yeah...” Eddie nodded to himself, certain that this was the way to go plan-wise. He dropped his hands and finished walking over to his hog, swinging his leg over to settle into the seat. Then, as he’d done before when planning out a part, he propped his elbows on the gas tank and his chin on his palms and _thought_ . _The idea of waiting ‘til she’s gone is no guarantee, so... What?_

He’d need some bitchin’ backup, or some other edge for Green Babe... And to make sure he could take Drew if he objected, _‘specially_ with those vines.

He dropped one of his hands to gently tap the gas cap of his hog... And it all came together in a seriously awesome flash! All he needed was about half a day, his main garage, and some of his seriously wicked tools to really make himself something that could fight off Green while absconding with Cousin Drew!

He kicked his bike into life and revved it a few times, more of his plan coalescing in his head. The plan was unrolling with the smoothness he was accustomed to when it came to engineering problems, and was making him almost preternaturally attuned with his hog and the road.

He wouldn’t normally bomb down Mount Middleton like he was at that moment, but he didn’t even notice he’d topped 100 MPH through a section even he normally took at barely 80. He didn’t think once about what gear he was in, he just _was_. He didn’t think about any of the power slides necessary to negotiate some of the turns, he just busted ‘em out.

The only hint that he was actually enjoying the ride was the goofy, almost insane grin on his face. He didn’t care, though. All he knew, without a doubt, that he was having his best ride ever!

He was just rounding a particularly tricky section that had slowed his headlong ride to just over 90 when he noticed the familiar roar of a jet plane. It was seriously strange for one to be this close to the mountain, what with the risk of smackin’ right into the side of it. Unless it was the Air Force outta Carson. But that didn’t sound like any jet the ‘States used...

He glanced around, but didn’t see it. That meant that the pilot was flying seriously low! Lower than normal nap-of-the-earth flying, even! The pilot must’ve been _way_ sure of themselves. Eddie was just about to write it off as some show-off, popping down a gear for some added grunt to get up to speed, when the jet in question cleared the dropoff to his right.

The surprise nearly made Eddie ditch the bike, and the engine somehow conked out. As it was, he managed to fall into a barely controlled skid, finally sliding to a stop at the end of a scenic turnout.

While his bike managed to flip itself up to settle gingerly against the guardrail, he was sent face first into the dirt. He was about to start berating the jet in various languages, including sign language, when the color scheme registered. Then a voice blared from hidden speakers, a voice that he _seriously_ didn’t want to hear.

“Eddie!” The roar of the engines settled to a soft thrum, very similar, if smoother, than one of Drew’s hovers, and the canopy popped, revealing Shego as she smirked down at him.

The mustachioed man couldn’t keep his jaw from dropping. She looked seriously hot wearing tight fitting black jeans and a green, form hugging t-shirt. At the same time, he couldn’t keep his enthusiasm, more accurately the lack of it, out of his voice as he shouted, “Green Babe? What’re you doin’ here?”

“Looking for you, doofus!” She sounded seriously annoyed as she set the craft down in the large patch of dirt behind his bike, the wings folding up like a carrier based jet, leaving plenty of room for people to pass by on the road.

As soon as the jet was down, he realized that in addition to the tight t-shirt and the hip-hugging jeans, she wore some comfortable sandals. Completely unsafe for driving a jet… Which just made it seriously _awesome_! He had to make himself remember that he was totally not happy with Green Babe right now...

“Seriously, what’re you doing here?” Ed griped at her, “‘cause I didn’t hear you answer that question, seriously!”

Her brows furrowed as she snarled, “I’m here to get a _goddamn explanation_ for last night!”

“Last night?” A lump of fear formed in his throat as he said with some nerves, “Yeah, sorry ‘bout dropping Drew off like he was. I, uh, totally misjudged how much booze was in his drink. Seriously, I thought it was just some lame drink with a few drops of beer or somethin’!”

Her eyes narrowed. “That is _not_ what I’m referring to and you _know_ it!” She looked around the clearing and said with some fire, glancing about them. “Didn’t figure you for the scenery type, Eddie...” She snorted and shook her head. “Or is that little park up top where you and Drew did the deed?”

_I am SO dead!_

“I, I, ah, dunno what you’re talking about, Green!” Sweat was trickling now, and Eddie was trying to figure out if he could run and get his bike running before she could get her jet going.

It suddenly got a lot brighter as her hands lit up. The growl she let loose as she started walking towards him was totally not reassuring. He took steps back, his eyes focused on her green magic. Then her voice drew his eyes to her face, “You kissed Drew, an-...”

“Woah, woah, woah, like, hold up!” Eddie objected, hoping that she didn’t fry him for interrupting her, “Like, Drew’s the one that kissed me first, no jokin’ or nothin’, Green Babe, seriously!”

Against everything Eddie expected, she paused. She seemed to think about something for some reason, then let her hands go out. With a sigh, she said, “This isn’t what I wanted to happen.” Looking up at him, Green Babe continued with some weariness, “C’mon, Eddie. We need to talk.”

“An’ why should I talk with you?” Eddie asked warily. “What is there to even seriously talk about?”

“Please Eddie. I’m not an idiot,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Neither is Dr D.” That made Eddie’s heart skip a little. “Doc may have been kinda messed up when he got back, but with a bit of talking this morning he managed to remember _everything_.”

With that, his heart _stopped_.

His mouth flapped a few times before he finally managed to utter, “...oh.”

“Yeah.” Eddie was so flabberghasted and lost in his thoughts by that point that he didn’t even react when Shego walked over, grabbed him by the collar, and started to drag him to her jet, “ _Oh_!”

**ELELELELEL**

“What’re we doin’ here, Green Babe?” a disturbingly subdued Eddie asked when Shego sat down after ordering them some drinks. She’d gone to her preferred server, an old long-term college girlfriend named Candice, instead of the bartender. Shego had called the younger woman in the afternoon and told her the basics, without going too deep into things. The woman had agreed to help her out almost as soon as Shego had gotten the words out, which made the pale woman snicker softly. She was sure Eddie thought she was amused at him, if his rather plaintive pout was any indication.

“I’m here to talk, Mullet Man. Specifically, talk to _you_ ,” Shego said with a roll of her eyes. It was hard to tell if he was playing dumb or if he was really that confused.

“No, I mean, here?” Eddie protested, gesturing around them, still oddly subdued. Shego then realized that he was acting a lot like the Wegos used to when she busted them at a prank, and had to hide a snort of amusement as Eddie continued, “Lemonbug’s?”

“Alright food, and, in case you didn’t notice, this place is loud enough that a private conversation _stays_ private.” He licked his lips as he nodded in acknowledgment, and Shego didn’t bother hiding a snicker at how nervous he looked.

Eddie sagged a bit, then looked up with a serious expression, “And ya _just_ asked for iced tea, right? I mean, I ain’t one for dodging liquor, but after the last few days I think that I wanna steer clear of it. Seriously. ”

“Oh, I got ya tea, alright...” Shego muttered, knowing the bartender made absolutely perfect Long Island iced teas, which was a key part of her plan. _In vino veritas, Eddie…_ she thought, smirking at him. “So, why no hard stuff?”

“Well,” Eddie gulped, then reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “Y’mentioned that ya wanted t’have a serious type talk, so I figured I’d better stay sober.” When Shego regarded him skeptically, he held up his hands as if in surrender, “Seriously!”

“Good,” Shego said firmly, smiling thanks at Candice as she set down the drinks.

“Can I get you two anything, or will ya need a menu?” the waitress asked, glancing down at Shego and all but ignoring the motorhead. Eddie, apparently thirsty after his ride, downed his Long Island in a few gulps.

“We’ll have a couple appetizer samplers, Sweet Cheeks.” Shego smirked as Eddie started at her nickname for the waitress, “And another couple... Teas. Each.”

“Anything else?” Candice asked, her healthy, but not overbearing, chest bouncing slightly as she shifted from one foot to the other. Eddie, who had been strangely indifferent about the waitress until then, glanced at her a couple times, then shook his head negatively. The thief was vaguely impressed that he kept his tongue at being ignored and only looked her over a couple times, but didn’t leer like he normally would.

Not that she could blame him; the waitress was attractive enough to make her look twice the first time she’d come here, and not just because of their former relationship. _Hell, Candy’s one of the only reasons I come to this damn place!_ Shego admitted to herself, _Well, the cooks are well above average for the chain, too…_

“Guess that’s it for now.” Shego shrugged, adding, “Oh, get an extra side of habanero double hot, too.”

“Sure thing, Mean Green.” Eddie seemed surprised when Shego just smirked at the young woman, and his jaw dropped slightly when she watched Candice sway away.

“Lovely girl, and quite discreet,” Shego explained, knowing that left more questions than answers.

“Um, sure,” Eddie muttered, staring at her as if awaiting a death sentence.

“Anyway, Eddie,” Shego said, propping her elbows up on the table and clasping her hands together, tapping her chin with steepled index fingers, “I know you two did more than kiss last night...”

“Well, yeah. You did totally say that he remembered everything we… Um...” Eddie gulped, almost jumping out of his skin when the waitress set four glasses down next to them.

“Thanks, Candy.” She smiled up at Candice again and nodded subtly in appreciation of her efforts. The teas she had delivered were in normal sized tea glasses, but just as obviously were Long Islands. _Ah, the advantage of enhanced hearing and smell… And dealing with a guy with a distinct lack of knowledge of booze beyond scotch and whiskey._ Aloud, she prodded Eddie, “‘Um’, Eddie?”

“Everything?” Eddie asked, nervously glancing about them as if to assure himself no one would hear anything. When Shego nodded, he reached out, downing half of his Long Island, letting out a long sigh as he thought about what he wanted to say, “Well... I didn’t expect it, really.”

“I’m sure,” Shego drawled lazily, grabbing her drink and settling back into the corner of the booth, keeping one leg straight and bringing the other up to rest her elbow on. She took a sip and cocked her head, “And?”

“Well, if you know everything, you know that it was...” Eddie paused, taking another few gulps of his drink before continuing, “It was totally awesome, seriously...”

“Huh.” Shego blinked at that; the awestruck, lovesick tone of Eddie’s voice took her aback, but she recovered quickly. “That good, huh?” she asked to stall for time, pursing her lips as the motorhead continued to stare into his drink.

“Yeah,” Eddie croaked, swallowing against some fairly strong emotion, if she read him right. He shrugged, “I mean... Not just the... Y’know... Stuff we did. He’s... Iunno, Green Babe, the last time I felt like this was back after I graduated from MIST.”

“Oh?” Shego asked with mild curiosity, taking another long sip of her Long Island, and wishing she could feel the slightest buzz. She felt like she was going to need it.

“Yeah. ‘ad an old girlfriend, called her Red,” he murmured, shocking Shego once again as a few tears sprang to his eyes. “She was like, hot... Hotter than Kim Possible, as hot as you, y’know?” Shego shrugged, not really caring, but figuring it’d be important, “An’, y’know, I thought she might be ‘The One’, back then. Then I got that job over back East with GJ, an’ I kinna dropped outta contac’ wit’ Red. ‘n’ when I got back, she had this nerd boyfrien’ that kicked muh ass when I tried t’ get all in ‘is face for takin’ muh girl. Skinny laidback dude ‘til I pushed too hard.”

 _He’s already tipsy…_ Shego noted in satisfaction, while trying not to laugh at the thought of a nerd kicking Eddie’s butt. _Sounds like something the Buffoon would do... Well, after the big, mean ‘n’ greens, anyway!_

“Anywho,” Eddie continued, “I havn’ felt somethin’ like tha’ since then, y’know?” He downed the rest of his Long Island, then grabbed the other, taking a healthy gulp. “An’ then, las’ night at th’ strip club, Drew fell over ‘n’ kissed me! An’, an’, an’...”

He pouted, his face scrunching up as he fought to keep the tears in his eyes from falling, “An’, now, jus’ when I realize jus’ how much I shoulda noticed ‘im before, man... Jus’... Iunno... I’m kinna stuck thinkin’ wha’do I do?”

“Well, I could give ya some suggestions...” Shego murmured, smirking at the hopeful gleam in his eyes. She didn’t pounce like her instincts screamed at her to do, to tell him to back off of her man. Instead, she dredged up some of the psychology she’d learned with her child development degree, “But how about we continue on with this? I’m sure you got a lot to get off of your chest...”

“Yeah...” Eddie muttered, “Yeah, like, ser’usly, years’a stuff...”

“Well, just let it out to Mama Shego, Eddie.” Shego managed not to snort a laugh as Eddie just nodded at her...

**ELELELELEL**

For the second time that week, Eddie woke up with a seriously massive hangover and aches all over his body. His eyes were a lot crustier than they had been before, though, and for some reason his face felt like it had dried up in weird places. Must’ve spilled some crap on his face and didn’t clean up properly.

Like the last time, he rolled out of the bed in his wonderful dive of a motel and crawled over to the sink. He was pretty sure that he hadn’t thought ahead again and thus only had water to try and cut through the major head pains.

Downing what was probably the equivalent of four glasses of water, Eddie looked at his reflection in the nearly completely dark room. It was hard to see, but that was fine with him and his throbbing head. He could still pick out the serious bags under his eyes and the horror of his disheveled mane.

That required some serious and immediate attention!

Even through the pain and darkness, Eddie managed to tame his mullet with a comb even with it stubbornly clinging in weird strands. It was all the motorman really needed most of the time. The fact that it was being obstinate was pretty easy to deal with, all things considered.

Once he was sure it wouldn’t stage a rebellion, he stumbled back to the bed through the headache and flopped down on the edge. Now, what in the world had he done the night before…? To his confusion, it remained a blur of nothingness with barely even flashes of memory. At his most drunken, he didn’t let himself get so trashed that he didn’t remember things _this_ badly, which made this instance of total blank seriously stand out.

He thought harder, trying to pick through the little shreds of memory to try and latch on to _something_ that would explain things. There was… Habanero wings… A waitress with an appreciable figure… Something about Red… A flash of green fire…?

His eyes shot open. “Green…”

She had done something. Probably drugged his drinks, or shoveled them down his throat, or _something_. He had the distinct impression in his mind that she knew about what had happened and had enacted some kind of revenge on him. What she’d done beyond getting him trashed he wasn’t sure.

But if she thought that whatever she did would keep him away from Drew, she seriously had another thing coming!

**ELELELELEL**

To Eddie’s annoyance, it had taken him a full day and a half or so to really get things together. Building his dream mean machine had taken a good chunk of it, and waiting to get the parts since, with his work deal to remain outta jail, he totally had to _pay_ for the parts... But a good chunk of it had definitely been inhibited by his totally messed-up state. Probably part of what Green Babe had been hoping to do.

He snorted. This was totally gonna suck, having to fight Green. He was sure he would have to fight her. She was seriously a territorial type of gal. And, if he were her, he would totally fight for Drew. Likely to the seriously harsh end, though Eddie wasn’t really sure why his emotions were so… Deep.

Shaking off those seriously weird thoughts, he revved the engine and gunned it even faster through Lowerton. When he got within a few blocks of Drew’s Tri-City digs, Eddie slowed his machine down to the practical crawl known as the speed limit. If this was gonna succeed, he would seriously need every advantage he could get. Surprise would go a long ways towards that.

He pulled up to the building and, as quietly as he could manage, set his bike to stealth mode. Well, his kind of stealth mode. It translated into forming around him as a kind of armor. It made him think of those old shows Drew made him watch when they were younger with the transforming jets and giant aliens. He’d gotten the idea for his armor from the third of that series, but he’d totally bested what was in the cartoons!

The bike, after his mods, looked like a cross between his hog, a cruiser like a Silverfeather, and a crotch rocket. All of that was to have a place to put the carbon fiber-ceramic composite armor, with feedback circuitry to absorb energy directed at the chest and store it in supercapacitors secreted in the suit. The armor also hid the electromechanical ‘muscles’ of the suit when it was in bike form, as well as covered the the engine and generator in armor form, and the fuel tank and supercaps in both forms. It was sleek looking no matter which mode it was in, and added at least six inches to his height in armor form. It was badass and intimidating all in one, seriously!

Eddie barely restrained a loud air guitar as he entered the combo for the front door and went in. Mama L had the code and had given it out to family in the event of an emergency. What kind of emergency required most of the family to show up he wasn’t sure. It was one of the little things that made him think that maybe she knew more about what Drew was up to than she had let on.

He made his way down the empty hallways. It was a little eerie, but it wasn’t all that big of a surprise. It was pretty much villain public knowledge that all of Drew’s henchmen ditched him. Even if they hadn’t, Eddie was pretty sure that his blue cousin would’ve fired them anyway to keep his do-gooder image from when the aliens had tried to take over.

To his surprise, considering how late it was, it sounded like Green Babe and Drew were hanging around in the living room area. Maybe they were doing some kind of weird honeymoon date night? They hadn’t bothered to plan one of those, instead opting to just have that suite the extra night.

He snuck closer, sticking close to the wall, and tried to make out what was being said.

"As you can see, Drew,” Shego’s voice wasn’t mocking, but sounded almost... Educational? Teacher like, definitely! “I don't like _these_ lips being kissed all that much...” There was a sound like lips smacking together like an air kiss, then a sound not unlike a rear end being lightly slapped, “But _these_ lips? Oh, yeah..."

Oh no she _wasn’t_!

“Er, actually...” Drew sounded... Not nervous, so he must’ve totally been embarrassed. And pleased with himself, and not in that over-the-top way he tended to be! Then he said some words that drove a spike of pain into Eddie’s chest. “I... Kinda like kissing those lips better than your, erm, _regular_ lips... Sweetie...”

“Sweetie?” Green Babe asked in a deceptively mild tone, making Eddie pause. What in the world was Drew getting at? The tone and the nearly saccharine nickname... Seriously, he’d _never_ heard Drew say anything like that, not even to girls he was interested in!

“Well, you see, Shego, um...” Eddie could almost picture Drew blushing, and while the image in his head made him grin like the lovestruck idiot he’d totally let himself become, his cousin’s explanation made his blood boil. “Those lips taste real sweet, so... Sweetie?”

There was a pregnant pause. Eddie wondered, _hoped_ , that Green would lose her temper and give Eddie the chance to totally be a knight in shining, or at least, composite armor and snag Drew out from under her. His brain hiccuped as he caught up to the words that were going through his mind. _Lovestruck? Knight in shining armor? Seriously? That’s some kind of chick word-phrase-thing, isn’t it?_

“If there was any other reason for giving me that nickname, Drew, I’d blast you...” Shego said in a deadpan tone, before snickering with salacious intent, “But since _that’s_ the reason, I don’t even care if you call me that in public!”

“R-really?” Drew asked in surprise, earning a nearly unhinged laugh from Shego.

“Drew,” she managed between her giggles, “You just turned one of the most sickeningly sweet nicknames ever into a dirty oral sex joke! Of _course_ I wouldn’t mind!”

 _Oh, it’s_ on _!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Divorce? Who the heck ever thinks of that crap?


	5. Chapter 5

Eddie stomped firmly into the living room, only pausing when he realized that both of them were sitting on the couch without a stitch of clothing on. Green Babe was leaning back against the couch’s arm, while Drew’s chin rested on her belly, just below her outrageously perfect bust. Eddie couldn’t help but follow the taut lines of her legs down to the equally, in his opinion, tight lines of Drew’s rear end.

Unfortunately, the few moments of seriously appreciative staring ruined his hope to take Sheegs by surprise. Both of them were looking at him, and Drew managed a startled, “Eddie?” before all hell broke loose.

“You no good-” Shego growled, her eyes wide and angry as she folded, twisted and slinked out from under Drew without upsetting his position in the least. Shego’s moves once again short circuited Eddie’s mind with the practically fourth-dimensional movements, further degrading his advantages. “Dirty, no account-” she continued, making Eddie step back involuntarily, despite the armor. It was a surprising feat, since she had yet to light up her hands, though there was a hint of her green magic around her flashing eyes, “ _ Lying  _ **_sonuvabitch_ ** !”

“Lying?” Eddie managed before she flared up and blasted him square in the chest.  _ Didn’t know she could do  _ that _! _ Eddie gasped, realizing that he’d expected just energetic plasma blasts, not mostly kinetic blasts.

“Um, guys?” Drew objected to the nearly immediate violence, getting up to likely try to get between the two of them. He stopped, looking down as he apparently remembered he was naked, and ducking a little behind the couch. Nervously, he said, “Shouldn’t w-...”

“Don’t play coy with me, boy!” Sheegs hollered, ignoring Drew’s objection in her rage at the mulleted man staring up at her from his back. “Even at my  _ worst _ I never broke a promise I made. And here you are, doing just that? You must have a  _ real _ set on you…” A violent grin came to her face as she snarled, “I guess I’ll find out when I  _ rip ‘em off _ !”

With a cry of rage, she jumped into the air, tossing a blast to either side of his head so he couldn’t roll out of the way. To his shock, her  _ foot _ was enshrouded with her magic, which came down on his chest with more strength than even  _ he _ had in his body!

“Ouch, seriously, Green Babe!” Eddie cried as the wind was knocked out of him, but his work held firm, absorbing most of the blow — a blow that should have hospitalized him — and redirecting the almost pure, energetic plasma about his suit. Using that, shoved himself off of the ground, managing to deliver a kick to her gut that sent her flying back into the living room and over Drew’s head.

“What are you  _ doing _ , Ed?” Drew asked as Eddie followed Green, the question and Drew’s presence stalling the motorhead where he stood.

“Wh-what I should’ve done at the wedding,” Eddie said in a low, embarrassed tone as he looked over at his cousin, “Seriously, Cuz, I...” He trailed off, not even sure about what he wanted to say. His chest felt weird, and he wanted to say… Something. He wasn’t sure what, though. Thinking he might just manage to say it through rambling, he continued, “I-..”

He was interrupted by a flying kick to his face, her foot once again glowing from her power. Her foot stopped glowing an instant before she landed, but this time Eddie was ready with a counter. He dashed forward and shoulder checked her, driving her back several paces.

“Maybe if I’d’ve said somethin’...” He paused, shaking his head enough that his mullet briefly obstructed his vision, so he didn’t see Shego standing. “ I mean, m aybe you could still file for divorce, or somethin’, but I-...”

Shego cut his words off with action, giving him a solid, non-powered punch that was almost as powerful as her earlier kick. Eddie had expected to hear a loud roar of defiance following up the punch, but he didn’t. She was completely silent. No snark, no sarcasm, nothin’. She wasn’t even breathing, not hard enough for Eddie to hear at least, as she stalked over towards him. She didn’t even comment as she moved in to continue the fight; she just lit her hands as she walked around Drew, stepping just out of range as he reached for her and said in a halting voice, “Now, Shego...”

“Dude, seriously,” Eddie objected as he rubbed his jaw, “I don’t remember makin’ any promises ‘bout Drew! Not that that seriously matters all that much. You probably had a knife to my throat or somethin’!” He managed to dodge a rapid fire series of slashing strikes by scrabbling away on his backside, before bumping into a wall and holding his hands up, “Seriously, d’ya think I’d just give up Drew when I  _ totally _ want him more than you do? Enough to take him from you?”

“What?” Sheegs hissed, “You callin’ me a liar?  _ ME?! _ ” Her face was livid, and neither of them could hear Drew over the sound of her suddenly amped up plasma that popped and hissed like a bonfire. “You promised me you’d back off the night before last when we talked at Lemonbug’s, you mulleted moron!”

“Huh?” both Drew and Eddie muttered at the same time. Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but Shego rolled over both of them, drowning out the mane man’s reply.

“As to ‘wanting’ Drew  _ more _ than me?” Green Babe snickered darkly, “There’s exactly  _ four people _ since the comet that’ve earned a place in this black husk I call a heart; one’s dead, two of ‘em are like family and the other's  _ behind _ me… And, you neanderthal, I don’t just ‘want’ him; I  _ love _ Dr D! Sure as hell more than you ever could!”

The ‘L’ word seriously caught Eddie off-guard. Was that what seriously applied here? Like, he was too manly for that sort of squishy emotion thing, right?

...right?

“Shego, calm dow-...” Drew said nervously with a not-so-slight edge of irritation, but Eddie jumped up, trying to give Shego a sucker punch in return when the thief half turned towards Drew.

It didn’t work.

She dodged without even looking at him, then, switched her plasma from the almost out-of-control emissions from her hands to small points just around her fingernails, and sheared the bolts holding Eddie’s armored helmet to the frame.

“Gotcha!” Green declared as she climbed up the back to kneel on one shoulder, her other foot braced against the other shoulder.

“Uh, oh...” Eddie gasped as he felt the length of his mullet being grabbed in a tight fist. “Dude, Mean Green,  _ not _ the hair, please!”

“When I’m done with you,” Shego snarled, lighting up her plasma, and nearly all of the rear length of Eddie’s mullet, “You’ll  _ wish _ I’d’ve stopped with your hair!”

"Both of you  _ knock _ it  **_OFF_ ** !” Drew bellowed in a voice that the motorman had never heard from him before. Eddie suddenly found himself face to face with an even more enraged Shego. He  _ also _ found he couldn’t move, the reason being the same as the source of her rage: vines that held Shego in front of him were also around his body, holding his totally gnarly and seriously strong powered armor as if it were a statue.

Even so, he was shocked to see Shego not only starting to pull loose from the vines, her powers were making them smoke on both her arms and legs. Drew quickly rectified that by moving his vines to just above and below both her elbows and knees. The position she ended up in was slightly reclined, with her arms held up and away from her body, and her legs bent up and out from her body, about chest height. The only reason Eddie didn’t see all of her lower glory was the vines wrapped about her hips and upper legs that were barely holding her still.

_ I didn’t know she was  _ that _ strong! _ Eddie gulped with the thought, realizing that made her stronger than him even  _ with _ the armor.

"Drew...” Shego scowled, twisting her head as much as she could so she could catch the blue scientist in a baleful glare, “Let me go, or so help me, you're gonna be regrowing vines for a  _ week _ !"

"No,” Drew said firmly, pausing as if waiting for Shego to object. When she raised an eyebrow almost curiously, he continued, “At least, not unless you  _ promise _ not to attack Eddie!” 

"This  _ idiot cousin _ of yours is here to kidnap you, Drew!” she growled at him, and was about to continue when his vines started wriggling. The look of surprise on her face was replaced by one that was both frustrated and fighting amusement. Eddie glanced down to where he saw the movement, seeing some of them moving sinuously about her tight tummy. It was making her smile and titter against her will as the vines tickled her. Green Babe looked at him fiercely and said, “This isn’t gonna make me-..!”

Her words failed her as some of the vines moved lower to a more sensitive part of her anatomy. Eddie was pretty shocked that Drew would do that before he remembered the night a few days ago, and what Drew had done to and with him. He nearly lost himself in his thoughts until Green Babe started to grunt and moan in turn, before finally answering him. “Nngh...  _ Fine _ , Drew, I promise...”

Drew loosened his vines on her a little bit, but they tightened when she added, “But  _ only _ if  _ he _ doesn't do anything stupid, first!"

Both of them looked towards the motorman expectantly. Though he felt put on the spot, he also realized there was really only one answer he could give.

"Fine, I won’t," Eddie said just as Drew was opening his mouth to ask. He was blushing at being so easily handled by his cousin, of all people... And more than a little bit turned on by not only being taken down like a noob by him, but also at Drew’s appearance. Standing, staring both him and Sheegs down with no apparent fear, nude and not caring in the slightest at the moment… It was seriously  _ hot _ ! The only thing that bothered him was that it wasn’t something that his cousin was doing just for him.

“Good,” Drew murmured with some finality, dropping his vines from both of them. They quickly retracted, save for the vine that Shego actually held close to her midsection. She was stroking it almost as if she were stroking Drew’s arm, something that piqued Eddie’s curiosity on how sensitive the vines really were.

Drew quickly sidled over to her, though he kept a concerned, even worried gaze leveled at Eddie. He wrapped his arms around her midsection above the vine, and Shego quickly moved her hand to his arm, glaring daggers at the motorhead. Though he felt a spike of jealousy, Eddie recognized that Drew’s actions were more to keep her from doing anything rash. Finally unable to take any more, Shego snapped, “You have two minutes to explain yourself before you’re out on your ass, Drew’s cousin or not! Start with why you broke a promise to me, of all people!”

Drew opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it closed, raising a curious eyebrow at Eddie. With a sigh, Eddie shook his head, his eyes boring imploringly into Drew’s and Shego’s in turn, “Dude, Green Babe, seriously, I don’t remember ever makin’ a promise like that to you! I mean, I wouldn’t  _ ever _ break a promise. Mama L an’ Ma made sure of that, seriously! They harsh on that way much, you can ask Drew!” He started a little as he remembered something that Green had said earlier. “What’d you mean by Lemonbug’s, anyway? I haven’t been to one in years, seriously!”

“You lying sack o-...” Shego started, but a cough from behind her stopped her for a moment. She briefly turned her angry eyes upon Drew, who gulped and shrugged.

“I’d kind of like to know too… About the whole Lemonbug thing.” Drew paused a moment, then daringly added, “Sweetie.”

Despite the rage still flowing off of Green Babe in waves, she managed an odd, half-angry snort, half girlish giggle, before turning back to Eddie. “Night before last night, Drew. At Lemonbug’s, I took Eddie there to talk. And that’s all. Just an honest-to-whatever entity you wanna claim talk!”

“Um,” Eddie narrowed his eyes and looked up, picking through the little shreds of memory he had. Haltingly, he said, “I remember goin’ there, now that I’m thinkin’ ‘bout it… And we kinda started talkin’. I... Remember tellin’ ya ‘bout Red, but...” Eddie’s face was a study of confusion, and looked about to continue when Shego beat him to it.

“He told me everything he was feeling,” Eddie managed, somehow, to look sheepish and confused without moving, “what he  _ planned _ ,” that made the no-longer-mulleted man wince, “and I got him to promise not to kidnap you and back off for a bit!” Shego snorted at Eddie’s confused face, “You seriously expect me to believe you don’t remember  _ anything _ after your second friggin’ drink?”

“Which you drugged!” Eddie snapped at her, his eyes narrowing accusingly. “I don’t know what you did with them, but there was somethin’ totally wrong with those things you ordered.”

“Long Island iced tea, Eddie.” Shego sighed, “The same things you gave Drew at the strip club? I thought you could handle your liquor!”

“Erm...” Eddie flushed as he realized he’d completely misrepresented her before. But, at the same time, she’d said... He frowned at her, “You said it was just tea.”

“You never specified non-alcoholic, Eddie,” Shego snickered, then stiffened, before bawling out a horrible laugh as Drew’s vine began wiggling back and forth. “Dam-m-mit, Drew, s-stop or I-I-I’ll light up, I s-s-swear!”

“You tricked him, Shego...” Drew said firmly, though his vine did stop. Shego turned in place and glared up at him, though Eddie couldn’t help but smile at the subtle pout in her expression. The blue man turned to him, an almost smug smile on his face as he continued, “And you should know as well as I do that when he gets  _ that _ drunk, he doesn’t remember anything. He may act like a tough alcoholic, but when push comes to shove and he’s about as ready for it as  _ I _ am...”

“Awww, man, really, Drew?” Eddie protested, drawing attention back to him, “Don’t harsh my mellow, man! Seriously!”

“It’s the truth, Eddie,” Drew admonished, before addressing Shego. “And why didn’t you bring this to my attention, Shego? It would’ve been good to know that my cousin was aiming to kidnap me!”

“Because,” Shego muttered, once again glaring at Eddie, “he wants you all to himself, and I’m  _ just _ a bit possessive to what’s  _ mine _ .” She turned back to him, a familiar smirk on her face, “If you haven’t noticed?”

“Really? Color me surprised,” Drew managed to say with a straight face. He seemed to ponder something for a moment, then cocked his head. “So you’re saying if he’d have asked for occasional... Playtime? Funtime? Nngh, whatever? With me…?”

“Oh, now that...” Shego said with a similarly considering look crossing her face. Eddie gulped, something about the gleam in her eyes reminding him of both Drew the other night, and of Red so many years ago. “That,  _ Love _ , is something  _ completely _ different...”

“Huh?” Eddie mumbled, his brain shutting down a little as he tried to understand what she was getting at.

“Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...” Shego said while shaking her head, slipping out of Drew’s loose grasp, before sauntering up to the tall mechanic. Eddie gulped and took several steps backwards until he hit the wall next to the doorway into the kitchen. He almost flinched away when she raised a hand to his face. “I, Eddie, am actually rather...   _ Kinky _ . And while I don’t go in for the whole whips ‘n’ chains bit...”

“Drew?” Eddie whispered, looking at his cousin with worried eyes, “Your woman’s freakin’ me out, man...”

“Oh please. She isn’t even threatening you with a flame wedgie anymore! And here you were supposedly going to beat her and drag me off. Put on your big boy pants and just listen!” Drew called out, obviously intrigued at what was happening. “Do go on, Shego...”

“Thanks, Love.” Shego snickered at the grimace Eddie made at the nickname, then turned back to him. She studied his nervous countenance for a moment before smirking, “Anyway, my kinks are more... Mental. Emotional.” She quirked her lips, then shrugged. “And as long as it isn’t something sick like kids or animals? Societal as well.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eddie blurted, drawing a sad shake of the head from Shego.

“The thought of my Drew topping and buggering his big, badass biker of a cousin?” Eddie winced at the totally harsh and blunt terminology. “Turns me on, to be frank! And, thanks to you, he’s not as goddamn wishy-washy in the sack…” His little cousin began to both preen and blush furiously, though Eddie knew exactly what Sheegs was referring to, what with Drew’s seriously awesome posing earlier. “So I kinda owe ya, at least a little bit.”

“So...” Eddie shook his head and raised his hands, palms up, and shrugged, “What?”

“So, I’d be willing to let my husband  _ play _ with you...” Before he could speak and accept her comment, she reached out with both hands to unsnap the shoulder releases of his armor before stepping back quickly, making it fall apart like a clamshell. When it was off of his shorts and tank top clad body, Shego paused, glancing up and down his body. She pursed her lips for a moment as she noticed the bulge in his pants, one that even he hadn’t noticed and immediately tried to cover with his hands, then shrugged with a wicked smirk, “And, maybe, if you calm some of your attitude, I might play with you too...”

Eddie’s eyes rounded in shock, and she stepped back and reached up to grasp his chin firmly in her hands, “But only when  _ I _ want to and when  _ I _ say he can play with you, and  _ only _ if you calm that neanderthal-minded, stuck up, womanizing, misogynistic  _ crap _ in that thick head of yours,  _ capisce _ ?”

“Oh, c’mon, Green Babe!” the motorman protested, bringing his arms akimbo, his fists tight on his hips, “Don’t do the Mane Man like that! Seriously!”

“Hard to call you the ‘Mane Man’ now...” Shego snorted, making Eddie squeak in shock. He reached up and realized that his hair was very closely shorn, and bubbled up at the ends from her earlier actions.

“You’d look better bald, anyway,” Shego chirped, and Eddie’s face fell when he realized Drew was nodding in agreement.

“No way!” Eddie objected, only to whimper when Shego’s fingers tightened on his chin.

“Eddie,” Shego growled, making him wince as she emphasized each point with a squeeze of her fingers, “Your mullet... Went out of style... Over a decade ago! Plus... I like some guys bald...”

“Buph Dwew iffn’t bawd!” Eddie mumbled incoherently. Shego released the pressure she had on his chin and he breathed a sigh of relief, working his jaw before restating his words, “But Drew isn’t bald!”

“Because I look weird bald,” Drew admitted easily, drawing an agreeing snicker from Shego. There was clearly a story there, one that Eddie had to admit that he really,  _ really _ wanted to hear. Maybe later they would tell him.  _ Later… _ he thought to his small pleasure. He was brought back to the reality when his cousin continued, “But... Eddie... Okay, I liked what we did, and since Shego’s okay with it, I’d like to, erm... Continue. But, honestly? She’s right. Think about how Mother would react if she heard you talking about women like you do **,** not to  _ mention _ your plan to steal me away.”

“I’d rather not,” Eddie admitted, glancing around as if worried the devil of a woman would totally show her face. “But... Um... I’m like... It’s how I was raised, y’know? You know my ma, Drew...”

“Yes, yes I do,” the blue man said with some disgust.

“Wait…” Sheegs looked between the two of them, eyebrow shooting toward her hairline. “Your ma… That crusty old geezer that nearly wrecked the wedding? The one that would’ve looked trashy back in the 80s?”

“Yeah, that’s my ma…” the formerly mulleted man said, blushing lightly at the memory.

“Regardless… Would you do it for me, Eddie?” Drew asked after giving Shego a questioning glance.

“Well...” Eddie looked down at the floor of the lair, his hands sliding behind his back like a scolded child. He kicked at some imagined rock with his foot before looking up at Drew with a petulant pout on his face, “I guess. I mean, I can try, but it might take a while.”

“Tell ya what,” Shego cut in, “If you’re honestly trying, then we’ll consider this a... Thing. Between the three of us.”

Eddie’s eyes flew wide. He hadn’t believed, until that moment, that Shego was serious. But he’d seen it in her eyes. She seriously would! He changed his stance immediately, his hand grasping an imaginary guitar’s neck.

“And no more of that air guitar!” Shego snapped, drawing a reluctant but agreeing nod from Drew, “It’s annoying!”

“Awww, c’mon!” Eddie groused, then brought his other hand up as if he were holding a pick, “Just one!”

“...fine. Go ahead with this one. BUT only this one! Do it again and I won’t hesitate to make sure you  _ can’t _ do it again!” Shego warned him, a plasma wreathed hand held up to emphasize her point.

“Yeah, right,” Eddie chuckled, deciding to call her bluff. After all, air guitaring is seriously important! “You won’t be around me 24/7, Green. Can’t watch me forever! How’ll you stop me? Not like you got an army!” With that he belted out a loud and complex start to a drawn out air guitar...

Only to find himself flying in a tumble that ended up with the air driven from his lungs as he landed on Shego’s knee. He felt himself being held down by an arm at least as strong as his, his shorts being yanked down and saw a green hued hand raising out of the corner of his eye. “Ready, Eddie?”

“Drew!” Eddie barked, “C’mon, man, stop your crazy wif-...” There was a whipcrack sound, and then he felt something like the old switch his mother used on him when he was younger coming down on his rear. It was quickly followed by several more, leaving him red faced and on the verge of tears.

“Eddie, calm down, and we’ll let you up,” Drew commented in a tone that mixed indifference and firm command. Much like the tone of voice his cousin had used a few days previous...

“Okay, okay!” Eddie cried worriedly, realizing they were both serious. “I give, I give, I’ll be good!”

“We’ll see, Eddie...” Shego chortled, letting him stand and pull his shorts up, “We’ll see...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Eddie isn’t dead, Shego isn’t raging, and Drakken isn’t single. Looks like the motorman lucked out!


	6. Chapter 6

Eddie blinked blearily as he filled and chugged at the glass. He was totally weirded out that he was drinking water in the morning again, even though he’d hardly touched a drop of liquor in almost a day and a half.

A gnarly, awesome day and a half, but a day and a half for sure! His little cousin must’ve really built up some stamina, always runnin’ away from Blondie whenever he and Red Babe would break into the lair to totally harsh on his maddie mellow.

And then there was Green Babe. She wasn’t lyin’ when she said she was kinky! Hell, she was as kinky in action as Red was with what she said she wanted to do. That was somethin’ that surprised him, ‘cause Green really didn’t advertise it and Red had been a seriously gnarly chick! And the fact that she actually  _ got off _ on what Drew did with his vines...

He refilled his glass and chugged it, almost choking on it when a voice right in his ear chuckled, “Gettin’ ready for round... What, fifteen?”

“Gah!” Eddie cried out, hacking his water several times as he turned a seriously sour look on Sheegs. That sour look didn’t last long, since she was completely naked and giving him a smile he knew wasn’t anywhere near as innocent as it looked. “Don’t  _ do _ that!”

“Oh, relax, Baldie,” Green snickered, taking the half full glass from him and taking a few healthy gulps of her own as she blithely rubbed his now-bald head with her other hand.

“Dude, Gre—, er, Shego, don’t do that!” He tried to wave away her hand, but she wasn’t budging it. Huffing, he crossed his arms and complained, “Seriously, I’m barely able to handle bein’ like this around you two. I can’t even imagine going out like this! Seriously!”

“It’s gotta happen at some point,” Sheegs said with zero sympathy. With some amusement, she added, “Besides, the Possibles invited us to a cookout for the Fourth, and Drew accepted.”

“Um...” Eddie gulped nervously, noting, “Is that, y’know, a good idea ‘n’ stuff? I mean, won’t Red Babe, like, kick my ass on sight or somethin’?”

“Well, you haven’t broken any major laws since you started workin’ for Cyclops directly instead of GJ R&D over in New York.  _ Right _ ?” Shego prodded, earning a disgruntled nod from the motorman.

“Nah,” Eddie said, then winced slightly. “Well, ‘cept speeding... And kinna breakin’ an’ enterin’ here, but we’re not gonna talk ‘bout that with ‘em, right?”

“Oh, perish the thought,” Shego chuckled, handing him the glass of water back, which he immediately refilled. “Besides, considering how she drives? Wouldn’t surprise me if she found a kindred spirit in you.”

“Whatever, Green,” Eddie laughed, shaking his head. He turned away from the sink to regard her as she flopped down at the table, giving him an unimpeded view of her that he could appreciate almost, but not quite, as much as Drew.

She glanced up at him, cocking her head at his pensive look. “What’s up, Eddie?”

The use of his name snapped him out of his reverie, and he chuckled a bit nervously, “I didn’t really expect how you reacted...” When she cocked her head the other way, giving the impression of a cat looking at a particularly juicy looking mouse, he elaborated, “I mean, when I busted in to nab him, y’know?”

“Doy...” Shego rolled her eyes, before leveling a half-glare at him. “Like I said, I’m possessive about what’s mine.”

"So, you  _ really _ like Drew that much?" Eddie asked, “I mean, love, I guess? That you consider him  _ yours _ ?”

“Eddie...” Shego murmured warningly, “Your point?”

"W-well...” Eddie stammered, “I mean... You and Drew... Y’know... And... Well... You haven't been nearly as harsh on him as you are with most other people... And you like the cuddles, too, y’know?” Shego rolled her eyes, but nodded, before rolling her hand at him to get to the point. “Heh, yeah, so... You must, y’know, love him? I mean, too?" Shego drew in a deep breath, and the big man knew he was stepping on the last of her patience, “I mean, as much as I do?” He worked his mouth a bit, stumbling over the words that felt weird to him. “I, erm, love ‘im, I think. Even if I didn’t know ‘til, y’know...”

"Well  _ doy _ , Eddie! Of  _ course _ I do,” Shego barked with a laugh, “I  _ married _ him, idiot!" When Eddie kept looking at her with a nonplussed expression, she shook her head, “Think about me, Eddie. D’ya think I’d’ve married him if I  _ didn’t _ love him?”

"Erm… Oh... Heh. Good point," Eddie blushed at her conclusion, then looked past her shoulder. Drew was walking into the room, just as nude as him and Shego, as if it were the most regular thing in the world. “Mornin’, Cuz...”

“Morning, Shego, Eddie,” Drew muttered, blinking sleep from his eyes as he looked for the coffee maker. “No one’s started coffee yet?”

“Since the last hench broke my espresso maker before they ditched us, no,” Shego said, a thin veneer of anger in her words. She fixed a glare on Drew as she asked, “When is the company gonna be here to fix that? Last you said, they were supposed to be here _two months ago._ Where the hell have you been getting coffee from, anyway?”

“Erm,” Drew gulped, hedging slightly. “They were supposed to be here, ah, this morning… Maybe they’re late? And, uh, I just tended to get coffee from that one place down the street... I forgot ours was broken...”

“Oh.” Shego blinked, then frowned, then screeched in annoyance, “Wait, you’ve been getting me  _ instant _ coffee?”

“It wasn’t like you even noticed!” the blue man sniped. “You and your so-called ‘high class palate’!”

“ _ No one _ has a working palate early in the morning!” Shego growled back, holding her palm upwards in a tight fist and pointing a finger at him accusingly.

“Well then, what difference does it make if it’s fancy coffee from here or regular coffee down the street?”

“Caffeine content,” Shego huffed, beginning to count points off on her fingers, “Aftertaste, mouth feel...”

“That you didn’t notice the difference until I  _ just _ pointed it out!” Drew interrupted insistently.

Eddie sipped at his water as he watched his cousin... His lover... His love... Argue with his wife. The Green Babe. Green  _ Goddess _ , really... And couldn’t help but let a smile come to his face. Nor did he fight the odd, overpowering urge to giggle, which stopped the incipient argument in its tracks.

And, of course, got Eddie to giggling all the more furiously...

**ELELELELEL**

Fourth of July at the Possibles was apparently an event in and of itself. According to Gr-... Shego... Their house had been rebuilt after the invasion, and was a bit larger than it had before. It now took up about a quarter of the lot that used to be next door. Most of that space was for a larger, four port garage in preparation for the little twin guys having cars or something of their own.

That also gave them a larger driveway. There were ten vehicles in the driveway, with a little bit of room left over for Shego to put the hover down, and five sitting at the curb. A couple of the cars were seriously modified, and that didn’t include Red Bab-... Eddie winced as he realized that Shego wouldn’t like that term for Kim Possible, and forced himself to rephrase it in his head. Kim Possible’s seriously modded SL Roth.

There was also that truck he’d seen drivin’ up Mount Middleton a few days earlier, though without the gnarly boat.  _ I wonder if those chicks’re here? _ It was odd that he wasn’t hyper at the idea, just hoping to enjoy some extra scenery. Eddie grinned when he saw the chick that was driving the truck coming from around back with Kim and Blondie, chatting animatedly about something.

“You’d better put some sunscreen on that thick head of yours, Eddie.” Shego admonished as she aligned the hover for landing, “I don’t want to hear you bitching about a sunburn tomorrow!”

“No worries, Sheeg!” Eddie  said with a laid-back grin , running his hand over his smooth head, waggling his eyes at her, “The Motor Man’s got this!”

“Whatever,” Shego sighed, rolling her eyes, then shaking her head as she deftly eased up the anti-grav with practiced ease. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Shego set the hover down perfectly, and they all climbed out, Eddie first. To the surprise of the three teens, Eddie held his hand up to help first Shego, then Drew, from the hover, the thief asking, “Hey, Kimmie, Doofus, your ‘rents home?”

“Nope!” Ron answered before Kim could, smiling at the older woman. “They went to get some stuff Kim’s dad forgot to get last night.” With a confused frown, he noted, “You would think a rocket scientist would remember to get charcoal or gas or whatever their grills use…”

“Don’t call Ron a doofus, Shego,” Kim snipped, then smirked in a way similar to Shego. “And congratulations on the nuptials. We  _ knew _ you secretly had a thing for Drakken...”

“Thank you, Kimberly,” Drew answered, stepping between her and a now-irritated Shego. He glanced over at Eddie as he said, “Don’t worry. Cousin Eddie will be on his best behavior.”

“Right,” Eddie nodded, then addressed them. “Hi, Team P!”

“Hey, Ed!” Ron waved enthusiastically, Kim giving a noncommittal grunt in greeting.

“You’re Edward Lipsky, right?” the girl with them asked, a tall, busty gal with boyishly short hair. Eddie nodded questioningly, and she smiled. “Love your work on the Back Country lift kits!”

“Um, thanks,” Eddie mumbled, flushing slightly as Shego snickered.

“Looks like you’ve got a fangirl, Eddie,” she said with a faux innocent voice, though her eyes were oddly suspicious of the girl.

“Nah, I just like the work,” she commented with a shake of her head. “My fiancée’s the fangirl!”

“Shego, you remember Alex from when you taught at MHS?” Kim said, apparently deciding to ignore Eddie.

“Yeah,” Shego affirmed, her head cocked slightly. “She hit on me the first day of class. I thought that apple was from Steve 'til I asked. I also thought that the rose later on was from him, too...”

“Nope. That was all me!” Alex chirped unapologetically. “Anyway, are you still in touch with Back Country Lifts? My girl has some ideas, but since she just graduated high school...”

“Hey, lemme talk to her,” Eddie said with some excitement, glad to have found some people to talk shop with. “If they’re solid, I’ll seriously give her some props!”

Kim winced as if in preparation for an air guitar, but a quelling glare from Shego stopped Eddie before he could do more than raise his hands. She obviously thought that was odd, but let it slide, turning instead to Alex, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to expose Tara to Eddie?”

“Meh,” Alex shrugged. “She’s met Will...”

“True,” Kim winced, turning around and waving them all to follow her. “Everyone’s out back.”

“You sure about this, Drew?” Shego asked nervously as the teens followed Kim to the backyard, glancing around. “That girl with the short hair looks familiar, and not in the fun way.”

“Prolly because she’s Dr. Director’s daughter!” Ron hypothesized from between them, making all three of them jump.

“Dammit, Stoppable!” Shego grumped, “I keep forgetting you and your rat somehow became real ninjas!”

“Really?” Eddie balked, staring at the blond teen and his pet, both of whom wore easy-going smiles.

“Apparently so,” Drew murmured as they went through the gate into the backyard. He cocked his head as he noticed the jealous glance Drew got from who he was pretty sure was that Professor Ramesh dude that Shego’d been grumbling about on the way over. He vaguely remembered the Indian, a somewhat successful, but mostly wannabe player when he’d first started dating Red back in the day. He also remembered Drew mentioning him a couple times in relation to a girl his cousin had dated back then. “So Bob and Ramesh are here, too, hmmm?”

Ramesh had been trying — and failing,  as Drew’s vicious smile  showed — to flirt with an attractive blonde woman with blue eyes and a beauty mark. The blue man waved at him, not quite managing to hide his triumphant sneer from the shorter man. The frown he got in reply was clearly what Drew had been hoping for, if the sudden bounce to his step afterwards was any indication.

The man Drew had nodded to, apparently this ‘Bob’ — a name Eddie found odd for an obvious Chinese dude — was in a seriously serious discussion with the Possible boys. It was a bit of a surprise for the motorhead as Bob had never really been one for the nitty-gritty of mechanics and such in college. Well, at least when he’d tried to talk tech with the younger nerds from MIST. Maybe it was something that had changed for the better in the lanky man?

“Drew!” Bob spoke up with a smile, making Drew physically react, as if slapped, “Great to see you!” He turned and said something to the twins about gravity lenses, which made sense since the guy was an astronomy dude if Eddie remembered right. The boys nodded enthusiastically, then the scientist stood and strode over.

“An old buddy?” Shego asked with a raised eyebrow, glancing at a neutral Drew. A neutrality that Eddie and, as a small narrowing of her eyes let him know, Shego could easily tell he was forcing, if his tense jaw and small flinch of the eyes said anything.

“You could say that,” he answered, making Eddie fume a bit as he realized just who this scrawny little nerd was. He’d heard about what had happened with Drew’s ‘friends’, but he reserved judgement, considering how happy the man looked and the blue man’s apparent attempt to keep his cool.

“Congratulations, by the way.” Bob nervously chortled when he got in front of his old friend, sparing a small glance at Shego. Then his smile became a bit sheepish. “And, um... Sorry for being such a jerk back in college. I had a lot of time to think about it in the last few years since our reunion, and, with a little help from my better half...” He held out a hand, “Hope we can start over?”

Drew pursed his lips and seemed to consider Bob’s hand for a moment, before smirking and reaching his own out. “Sure, Bob.”

Bob’s smile became a bit plastic as Drew firmly shook his hand. The mad scientist was a lot stronger than he’d been back in college by a large margin, and back then, he’d easily tied James — a former ranch and farm hand — as the strongest member of the MISTcreants. He didn’t bear down long, though, letting up with a chuckle when Bob’s face relaxed.

“Forgot that grip of yours...” Bob chuckled nervously, shaking his hand a few times to try and get feeling back into it.

“Shego,” Drew said, trying and failing to hide his smug smirk, “This is Robert Chen. Bob, this is my  _ wife _ , Shego.”

“A pleasure,” Bob said, shaking her hand with his off-hand.

“I’m sure,” Shego snarked lightly, though she kept a smile on her face, removing some of the sting. “Seems life moves on for some people.”

“Yeah.” Bob actually reached up to scratch his neck a bit as he regarded Drew, “My wife was rather... Stern about my attitudes. Wasn’t really happy when I told her about our last run-in, the one with the Bebes, before you dropped out of sight? And, um, after the thing at the Crooked D and the second time with the Bebes, I had to agree I might’ve had a hand in driving you away.”

“I had no idea you were married,” Drew raised an eyebrow, making Bob cough apprehensively. “I mean, you said better half, but…”

“You remember Ezzie?” Bob looked nervous as he filled in the silence after the blue man trailed off.

“Lezzie Ezzie?” Drew gasped in shock. He noticed Shego’s face twitch at that, and he made a note to apologize and be prepared for a small amount of punishment from her later.

“Well...” Bob blushed, scratching his cheek. “When she was drunk, she was more... Open... And, well, one thing led to another...” He wore an oddly subdued, but honest smile when he continued, “We actually worked out, after she almost literally beat the idiot out of me one night.”

“Sounds like a tough chick,” Eddie muttered distractedly.

“Sounds familiar to me,” Shego noted, her gaze drilling into Eddie’s face. The motorman was about to totally get his snark on when his gaze fell on a bubbly blonde literally bouncing up to him with Alex in tow.

“Hey, Mr. Lipsky!” the blonde chirped, “Alex said you’d wanna look at some of my stuff?”

“This is your girl?” Eddie asked with mild surprise. He hadn’t been expectin’ a lipstick lesbian, especially considerin’ how seriously girlish Alex already was. Then again, he had no room to question that sorta thing, what with his own preferences...

“Yup.” Alex nodded proudly, “This is my fiancée, Tara.”

“Well, cool,” Eddie beamed, both a little proud that he hadn’t stuck his foot in his mouth and happy at the supportive nod he got from Drew. “Let’s check these ideas of yours  _ out _ !”

“Sweet!” Tara all but squealed, drawing a mix of looks from those in attendance as she grabbed the much larger man’s hand and dragged him bodily over towards the pool, another new addition to the Possible property.

**ELELELELEL**

“Oh, God,” Shego muttered as they practically pranced off, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. “A female Motor Ed in the making.”

“I hope not,” Kim sighed noisily, making Drew jump and Shego chuckle at his reaction.

“Even out of the evil business you surprise me, Kimberly!” Drew groused, though there was a smile on his face.

“I’m so ferociously happy you two stuck with your pardons.” Kim said, smiling up at Shego daringly, “Especially you, Shego; you were actually starting to get to my level.”

“Eh, I was gettin’ bored with it anyway, what with the lack of challenge and all...” Shego chuckled, gazing about the pool party and appreciating the scenery, both regular and Motor Ed-style.

“If you were getting bored, you could’ve always tried working for another villain. Or learning new fighting stuff! I’m just kinda surprise that you decided to give up when you started to get bored,” Ron said obliviously from next to Kim. He managed to get everyone, including Shego and Kim, to jump at his sudden appearance.

Recovering first, Shego said nonchalantly, “Please. That stuff would’ve taken way too much effort.”

“And marriage doesn’t?” Kim said, prodding the green woman a little.

“Doc and I know each other well enough to not  _ need _ to work on it like  _ certain others _ do,” she said pointedly, both fighting back against and brushing off the comment.

“Uh, huh. It’s not like you stuck around with someone paying less than you were worth — for years I might add — in a relationship that was completely not romantic at all,” Ron said sagely, smirking at her in a knowing fashion that had Shego narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him.

Drew sighed when he realized the blond  _ wasn’t _ trying to provoke his wife when the thief barked a laugh “Touché, Sport... You’re gettin’ better.”

Drew jumped again when the blonde Ramesh had been failing to attract came up to Kim, a sheepish yet happy smile on her face. “Sorry to interrupt, but I just got a call from Oliver, Kim.”

“Okay?” Kim muttered in another rare show of being caught completely off guard. Then her eyes brightened as she made a connection. “Did he have good news from the project leader, Vivian?”

“Yes!” the blonde cried. “They’ve given me permission to use your Roth as a testbed for the navigation and self-driving systems I worked on with Dr. Freeman!”

“Self driving car, Kimmie?” Shego smirked, “What happened to the crazy teen heroine that drove a rocket powered car after the Not-So-Mullet-Man?”

“Nothing,” the redhead said with a moment of distraction, hers and her beau’s eyes drawn to the hairless head of the motorman. “But sometimes it’s nice to have a car come to you when you’re trying to stop a villain.”

“What happened to Ed’s hair, anyway?” Ron asked, Rufus squeaking in agreed curiosity.

“It’s a long story, Stoppable,” The blue man chuckled as he baited, “And involves a complete misunderstanding, plasma, and a powered armor suit made from a Gnarly-Davidoff motorcycle!”

“Oh, I’ve  _ got _ to hear this...” Kim laughed with some [i] _ schadenfreude[/i] _ , and Drew prepared to go into the spiel that he, Shego, and Eddie had come up with to hide the truth almost in plain sight.

**ELELELELEL**

“Seriously, this is  _ awesome _ !” Eddie articulated with a great deal of enthusiasm. He and the two engaged ladies were bent over a set of blueprints, examining them with an attention to detail that most didn’t think the now-bald man could manage. Pointing to a specific section, he said, “I only see a couple of hiccups in this thing, considerin’ you’re tryin’ to design it to be a ‘one piece’ replacement for a stock Henery H-150....”

“I think I know what you’re going to say.” Tara said in a serious tone that many people would have found shocking, “I figured it out while we were talking: the lower control arm frame mounting points and the upper ball joint?”

“Exactly!” Eddie nodded, pointing at the section of a complex suspension joint. “Right here, the joint that you have would  _ totally _ need to more robust if this is gonna hold up to Baja racing; it’s seriously subject to extra stress at full compression and full rebound. On the other hand, you have the frame attachments a little overbuilt — that’s not a bad thing, seriously! — but you could shave ten percent off of the weight here and still have it over sixty percent stronger than the stock points. Then you could put some extra reinforcement, oh, around here,” he indicated the upper ball joint, “a raised section parallel to the direction of the likely forces. You’d have to do some computational fluid dynamics for exact location, but it should be damn close to perfect about like so...”

Alex watched as the big man used deft fingers to draw on the blueprint, finally asking with some curiosity, “Isn’t it already stronger than stock?” While she wasn’t a self-taught, engineer-in-training like Tara, she was a hardcore tinkerer that actually had a clue about mods and what they did.

“Yeah, but Baja racing is, like, the most demanding thing for a truck out there.” Eddie smiled at the brunette, impressed that she had learned a little about the craft without being a serious study. “Seriously, there’re only a few types of racing that’re totally harder on components. Things like drag racing, rally racing, Formula 1 and the like.” He nodded at the blueprint, “This piece should seriously lower the unsprung weight, but, considering the forces involved, it could totally snap after a gnarly jump, and that would, like, not be cool at all.”

Eddie was about to continue, when a voice he hadn’t heard in a seriously long time carried over to him from the gateway. He looked up, shocked, as a flash from the past strolled in carrying a couple of bags of charcoal.

“We’re back!” A redheaded MILF that Eddie would have recognized if he was half-blind and deaf proclaimed as she and a strangely familiar middle-aged man walked through the gate with armloads of charcoal.

“And we’ve got enough fuel and food to last us five cookouts!” the man added from behind a precariously balanced stack of bags, likely the coals 'n' grub in question. Absentmindedly, he added, “Unless the boys have a steampunk phase. Then I can’t guarantee that about the coal…”

“Everyone knows that steampunk is all about style, Dad,” the twin named Jim said as he took a couple of bags from his father.

“And charcoal is just  _ dirty _ . Authentic, yeah, but practical for steampunk cosplay? Nuh-uh,” Tim finished, taking another bag from the older man and one from his mom.

“Ah, you young people and your ‘cosplay’.” The kind-of familiar guy laughed and followed his boys to the grills.

One of the grills was the Possible’s, the other from the Stoppable’s, and both used charcoal to work, to Eddie’s minor regret. There had been enough initial coals to get things started before the trio had gotten there, but if this was gonna be any kind of seriously awesome party there needed to be more of, like, nearly  _ everything _ . At least they’d realized it before the party fell over into a pile of lame.

“‘scuse me, gals. I gotta go an’ reacquaint myself with an old flame,” Eddie said, standing up straight, giving them a two-finger wave, and heading over to where most of the Possible family was setting things up. Tara and Alex giggled at something, reinforcing Eddie’s thought that the girls were both really girly, compared to most lesbians he’d met.

He tried to get a suave feel going for him as he walked up to Red. It would be seriously rank if she thought he had totally lost his edge.

Putting on a slightly forced smile, he sidled up to her side and drawled, “Heya Red!” He waited until she turned around to pick her up by the waist and give her an amazingly awesome hug. It took a moment, but she did reciprocate after she managed to process just who the motorman was. He set her down, though he kept a hand on her side, and gave her a wink. “Been a real long time since I’ve gotten to hang with you, seriously!”

“Hello to you too, Ed,” Red said with a slightly naughty smile. Eddie fought the desire to do an air guitar. Goodness knew his awesome appearance would be totally wrecked if Shego came over and stomped his ass! That also made him pull the hand back, wondering how she’d handle his hand wandering, but he managed to make it a smooth transition to running his hand over his now smooth pate. She put a hand on her chin as she gave him a quick up-down. “You’re still looking good. Keeping up with your physicals?”

“You know it, baby!” Eddie posed, kissing his biceps with a good deal of showmanship. With an appreciative grin, he gesticulated, “You still got it too! Still flamin’ flippin’ awesome!” As the man who was apparently her husband came back over to see what was going on, the motorman looked over, saying, “So, this dude is… Your…”

“Husband, yes.” Red turned to the man and smiled at him, “James, you remember Eddie, right?”

Eddie gulped as subtly as he could as the man stepped over. He hadn’t lost any height, so he could still look Drew straight in the eye, even if he still looked as skinny as he did back then. He had gray at his temples that, oddly for Eddie, made him look subtly more intimidating... Which was surprising, since the dude had nearly broken his wrist, and  _ had _ broken his nose and cheek. With one punch!

The dangerous dude from back in the day blinked in confusion at Eddie for a few moments, then a light of understanding came to his eyes. He said with a genuine, if slightly smug, smile, “Hello there!” Eddie nodded stiffly. “It’s been a rather long time! As my wife said, I’m James Possible.” Eyeing him critically, the father of three asked, “Have your manners improved?”

The larger man grimaced, reaching up and rubbing his cheek self-consciously. “Ah, yeah, yes Sir! They  _ totally _ have.” He spared a nervous glance at Red, then out of the corner of his eyes at a curious Shego, before he looked back at James. “I was just, like, super excited to see Red after all this time, y’know?”

“I can imagine,” the middle-aged father replied with an honest chuckle. A friendly arm went around his wife’s middle, the message to Eddie loud and clear, “Glad I went easy on your wrist. I’ve heard you’re doing amazing things over at GJ HQ!”

“Yeah, seriously!” Eddie enthused, before calming slightly and moving the hand scratching his cheek to scratch the back of his neck. He then dropped his hand, indicating Tara and Alex with a slight wave, “Also helpin’ Bubbles over there with somethin’ she’s designing!”

“Good!” James chuckled, reaching out to shake his hand. Eddie hesitated slightly, but took the hand. The smaller man’s grip tightened almost painfully as he said, “I’d hate to hear that you’re tangling with my daughter again.”

“Oh, no way, Sir!” Eddie croaked, realizing  _ just _ who Kim Possible was, and how she must have let him off easy in the past. Once James loosened his grip, the motorman snatched his hand back like it was about to be torn off. “Okay, uh, well, it was totally great to see you again,” Eddie said, bowing away from the seriously scary dad. “Nice to see your relationship worked out…”

“What was that all about?” Kim asked as Eddie made his retreat, her tone confused, but her stiff posture saying she understood, at least unconsciously, what had happened. As did the brief, intense gaze she sent the motorman’s way, which made him feel oddly nervous. “I’ve never seen Motor Ed that nervous before.”

“Well, Kimmie-cub...” James muttered nervously, and Eddie turned back just in time to see Blondie come up and calm things down.

“I’ll explain it all later, KP!” he said while his mole rat buddy was trying not to laugh. Blondie elbowed Red Babe, pointing toward the gate, “And Mo just got here, and wants to ask ya about something!”

Eddie was happy to see that neither Red nor Mr. Possible’s eyes were anywhere near him, as he made an effort to find someplace out of the way to sit and regain his composure... And get his bowels to unclench a bit.

**ELELELELEL**

“You gonna live there, Eddie?” Shego spared a glance at the happy couple who were chatting with each other and Ron while James and the blond were minding the meats and veggie burgers. Tilting her head, she exclaimed sarcastically when he jumped, “And  _ that’s _ ‘the One’ that you lost and her big, badass boyfriend that busted your face?  _ Seriously _ ?”

“Seriously!” the blond replied. “That guy is, like, way more than he looks.” At Shego’s raised eyebrow, he sighed, “Like, I went to take a swing at him, and he did this totally badass kung fu thing, like you and Red Babe do, and took me down. When I told him I’d kick his ass he, well...”

“‘Well’, what, Eddie?” Shego said with a laugh, cocking her head to the side.

“He hit me once and broke my nose and cheek.” Eddie flushed slightly when her snicker got a bit louder.

Shego shook her head. “I guess this was before you and Drew got into that mess that turned him blue, and gave you both that damn quasi-invulnerability?”

“Yeah...” Eddie groused, giving her a dirty look at mentioning that little accident. Shego didn’t really like his gaze so she raised her other eyebrow, daring him to make a comment.

“Hm? What are you two talking about?” Drew asked as he walked up, a plate loaded with hamburgers and hot dogs balanced precariously in his hands. His vines carried a couple of other plates, and, to Eddie’s clear surprise, one of them was supposed to be for him.

The large amount of beans and pork loaded on it and a beef burger piled with every condiment and topping choice available, including even more pork and beans, was nearly obscene to her. Yet Shego smirked, wondering how Eddie would react to the fact that Drew had remembered the motorman’s favorite foods. Eddie’s face twisted with some mild confusion, then his face lit up, likely from feeling ‘the weird mushy,  _ girly _ feeling in his chest’, as the former mullet-man called it. She felt an odd sort of relaxation as he seemed to embrace it, giving his cousin an affectionate smile as the plate was handed to him.

“We’re talking about how your cousin is scared of your old college buddy,” Shego deadpanned as she accepted her own plate full-up with a variety of grilled vegetables and a veggie burger. When Drew cocked his head slightly, she sighed and rolled her eyes, “James, Love.”

“Eh? Old college buddy?” Eddie looked back at the couple, a frown forming on his face.

“Yeah. James… He was kind of the leader of the posse I was part of.” He apparently misunderstood Eddie’s frown and elbowed him lightly, “We called ourselves the MISTcreants?”

“Yeah?” Eddie snarked a bit, giving James a bit of a dirty look... Which disappeared when James gaze seemed to swing over them. Shego couldn’t help but snicker at that, shaking her head at the whole situation.

“But one punch broke your nose and cheek, huh?” Shego prodded, her tone dripping with enjoyment at Eddie’s discomfiture.

“Not surprising.” Drew chuckled, shaking his head. “I was strong, after helping Uncles Boris and Joseph on their farm back in Iowa during the summers, but James worked on his father’s ranch and his uncle’s farm up in Montana since he was six... And if I remember right, he did some roustabout work up in Wyoming during the oil boom during summer breaks? He was  _ really _ strong for his size.”

“Still is,” Eddie grumped, unconsciously shaking his hand.

“I wonder...” Shego murmured, a suddenly considering gaze settling on Anne and James as they talked to Ron about something that had the blond blushing deeply. They were all startled when someone in the yard set off a battery of loud, whistling rockets, the first of the day from the Possible’s home.

“This could end up being a noisy day.” Shego chuckled as she saw the double armloads of fireworks the twins, Kim’s younger cousin, and the girl’s father were bringing in from around front.

“Seriously!” Eddie and Drew agreed at the same time. Neither of them understood why Shego nearly fell over laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James’ skills can’t handle a sumo ninja, but he could still take down Eddie if he had to.


	7. Chapter 7

“Hello, Shego,” Anne said as the pale woman settled down next to her later that evening. The fireworks, easily visible from the Possible’s backyard, had been quite spectacular.

“Hey, Anne.” Shego sighed, leaning back into the poolside folding lounger. She cradled a full glass of pomegranate juice, watching the still going party that had devolved into an impromptu water fight in the pool.

“I’m glad you two decided to take the invite.” Anne chuckled, “Kimmie was on pins and needles, not sure if it was a good idea or not. Especially when you called to say Eddie was coming with you.” Anne favored her with a raised eyebrow and a tiny smirk, and Shego had the oddest feeling the red-head knew about what they were doing with the motorhead.

“I’d’ve come just to mess with Kimmie, with  _ or _ without my two dorks,” she said, deciding to confirm the redhead’s possible suspicions. Unsurprisingly, the smirk widened ever-so-slightly and a glint that Shego would almost describe as naughty flashed in the other woman’s eyes. “It would’ve just been bonus points if it had been awkward.” Shego snorted, then cocked her head at Anne, “So you used to date ol’ Eddie, huh?”

“Yes.” Anne nodded in amusement, “He was fun to party with, but  _ so _ gawky when we first met.”

“Wait,” Shego protested, “Eddie? Gawky about ‘a seriously hawt chick’?”

“Shocking, isn’t it?” Anne tittered at Shego’s mocking impersonation, “But you have to realize, I was a bit more... Aggressive than the  _ girls _ he was used to chasing.”

“That makes sense. Eddie seems to have a thing for the aggressive types.” Shego nodded, snickering herself, “It’s probably why he’s  _ still _ halfway besotted with you.”

“And still respects James,” Anne concluded with a tone as possessive towards her husband as Shego felt towards her dorks. She also wore a smile that was every bit as predatory as any Shego had ever used. “Although I’m surprised he’s not as closeted as he used to be…?”

“I might’ve had something to do with that.” Shego gave the woman a matching smirk, “Though it was  _ Drew _ of all people that started the ball rolling.”

“Oh?” Anne’s voice dropped and she leaned closer. Considering some of the stories that Eddie had told her during his drunken confessions, the sudden, salaciously intrigued sparkle in her eyes was as unsurprising as the earlier glint. “Do tell?”

As Shego explained what had happened, and some of the events after it was all settled down, Anne confirmed the thief’s conclusions about the older woman. She was every bit as kinky as Shego, even having offered a few tips that had never occurred to the younger woman, though they might have in time.

She was about to comment on the redhead’s la test suggestion, a rather risque use of some of Eddie’s tools, particularly wrenches, when she noticed out of the corner of her eye a nervous Ron standing in front of an equally nervous, though oddly excited, Kim. He was hiding a velvet box behind his back that was easily seen from Shego’s vantage point.

“I’ll be damned, he’s actually doing it.” She glanced at Anne, “I wonder if he’s going to be in trouble if Kimmie got any of your... Interests. Or if he wakes them up?”

“Oh, I’m sure he won’t mind.” Anne chuckled as she turned to watch the show the two teens were providing, “Though I don’t think she’ll be as bad as either of us.”

“Who knows?” Shego shrugged just as Ron got down on one knee, bringing the box around his back. “She could end up being the opposite and ending up as big of a repressed mess as Eddie was.”

“Oh, I’ll keep an eye on her so that doesn’t happen,” Anne concluded easily. Then something occurred to her and she let out a soft snort of laughter. Shego raised a slightly bemused eyebrow at her, Anne waved as if shooing away a mosquito, “Sorry, I’m still somewhat surprised just how far in the closet Eddie was.” The redhead shrugged, latching on to the interesting yet touchy topic as Kim gawked at her boyfriend. Anne said with some disappointment, “He never gave a hint he was into bottoming. Or men, for that matter.”

“Even  _ he _ didn’t realize he was into it,” the green woman answered, finding a bit of entertainment at the tears forming in the cheerleader’s eyes.

“I see...” The older redhead gave Shego a curious gaze as Kim squealed a positive answer, Ron barely keeping them from tumbling into the now cheering crowd in the pool. Apparently deciding to either drop that topic or ask Eddie more directly, Anne asked, “Has it been worth it, so far?”

"Oh, let's just say it's a fulfilling relationship..." Shego grinned. Her eyes almost instantly found Drew and Eddie in the crowd, watching the two teens. No one else — aside from Anne — noticed, but Eddie was silently crying. Drew was leaning up against him, both soothing him with his voice and rubbing his arm  intimately. Her grin became a surprised, soft smile when she saw a vine was gently stroking the back of Eddie’s neck, carefully avoiding the brilliant, red sunburn on his bald pate . A small, satisfied flutter in the green woman’s chest surprised her a little. With no small amount of affection, she added, “And I don’t see letting it go  _ any _ time soon!”

**Author's Note:**

> Even with his talk of brewskis, Eddie doesn't actually drink beer save one every once in a while. He doesn't give a crap about anything that's mixed at all. Who'd've thunk?
> 
> The bachelor's party list of invitees consisted of the likes of Dementor, Monkey Fist (the statue), Duff Killigan, and a few of Eddie’s drinking buddies who had better things to do than hang around his dorky cousin.


End file.
